Chapter 13. Superiority and inferiority (9)
There is nothing to say about this. It’s true that I’ve taken Cassandra’s side so far.
“Cassandra? Cassandra? I think I know why that woman can’t be trusted by others and why no one says things like ‘No one listens to Cassandra’?
He speaks and acts like that, but if you believe it, isn’t that even weirder? “What on earth do you see in that woman that makes you trust her so much?”
The pocket of knowledge is large… Rather, everything Cassandra says will ultimately be true in the future.
And I know it will happen. But, can Camilla accept these words?
“Because I am sincere about treatment.”
“… Okay.”
Camilla held her wine glass. She gently placed her fingers on her wrist, but Camilla took her hand away again. Gulp, gulp, at a noticeably slower speed than before. She emptied her glass.
“Stop drinking.”
“Give it to me.”
“Stop drinking.”
“Hey.”
Camilla cries. Even twitching her face.
“… You’re drinking with me now. No?”
“That’s right.”
“Then, can’t you take my side just for now? “Is it that difficult?”
Instead of answering, I drank the glass in front of me in one gulp. He held out the empty glass in front of Camilla.
“Fill me in. Then fill yours as well.”
Looking at her hand shaking slightly as she filled the glass, it was clear that she was drunk. I’m glad the wine bottle is empty. We lightly clinked our glasses and drank.
“… John. Do you have anything other than medicine… “You really don’t care at all, do you?”
“Not really.”
“Just say so. Then, I think it will be a little less miserable.”
“It’s miserable. “Why do you keep talking like that from earlier?”
Camilla strokes her hair as if she wants to see all the idiots in the world.
“Are you stupid, really? “Don’t you know why I’m doing this?”
Are you going to perform a special move like this here?
“I was on the sofa with Cassandra earlier… “
“… After.”
I think it’s wrong. What should I do? I guess I really picked the wrong day today.
No. Camilla is not the kind of woman who finds fault with her and mistreats people for no reason.
She is a woman who is direct when it comes to being hot or no.
So this time, I’m sure I’m missing something. But what is it? What was it?
“… Is it because of the pheromone story? “Because I don’t want to become a zombie, right?”
“It’s similar.”
There is still a chance. Then a little more here. The story about zombies and virus reinforcement was somewhat concluded earlier, so I don’t think it’s real.
Edition. They say they take your side.
Why did Camilla and Cassandra split sides and fight?
No matter how much the two of you disagreed, has there ever been a time when you would be this angry?
I can’t tell if it’s something I don’t remember, or if I just passed it over because it didn’t seem that great to me.
No. Wait for a sec.
“By the way, Camilla. “Can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“Didn’t you wonder about those pheromones earlier too? “You must have been curious about whether what comes out of me also comes out of you, and if so, how much of an effect it has.”
Somehow this seems to be the right place. As if a ray of light falls from the sky and the place where the treasure chest is buried sparkles.
It’s a little different here, though, with a drunk and angry woman staring at me.
“… Why do you think I asked that?”
I think it would be correct to say, “I’m curious.” I have that level of insight.
Cassandra talked about ‘amplification’. If I amplify existing emotions more ‘strongly’, I cannot create something that does not exist, and my ability is not that strong in the first place.
She also remembers Camilla’s complex expression when she heard those words.
‘Then I think it will be a little less miserable.’
Why did she come up with the idea that Camilla was miserable?
I don’t know. The puzzle pieces are all in front of you, but they don’t come together. I have no idea what the original picture was, so I don’t even know what to do with it.
It is miserable.
When Camilla used such strong words, it was when she knew that her Elsa Central district had deceived her.
It was similar to when she said she regretted all the choices she made, as if they all turned out to be wrong decisions.
Unwanted selection. A choice I made reluctantly. Results I don’t like…
‘Can’t you take my side?’
‘It gets better for no reason.’
‘Is it coming from me too?’
‘… ‘Can’t I do that?’
Perhaps.
Perhaps…
“That thing that came out of my body…” Because of the ingredients. So… “
Camilla looks at me. A rough finish.
“So you made me…” “
Camilla slowly, very slowly. She nodded.
“So, if I like you, it’s not because of my pure feelings, but because of some…chemical process. “I… didn’t think I could bear it.”
It is heavy. The weight of the alcohol I suddenly drank, and the time I had shared with Camilla so far, weighed heavily on me.
But on the other hand, it is convenient. Like the weight of lying down covered in a thick blanket on a cold day. Even the lights from the LEDs seem as peaceful as candles.
“If it was because of pheromones, I really wouldn’t have been able to stand it. Because it wasn’t my will. But no matter how much I thought about it, it didn’t seem like that. It’s not right in terms of time either.
But, since I think so… It was a bit unfair and difficult. I like you a lot. I want to do and do whatever you like. I want to match it.
I still hate you. I really hate you… But, you… It’s just that I feel like he’s not interested in me.
So, I really shouldn’t think about it, but what if… If only I had such a pheromone.
Because it doesn’t seem like you really hate me either. I also wondered if I would be given a chance. “Isn’t it gloomy?”
“Camilla.”
“Oh, I am the worst.”
Camilla cupped her face in her palms.
“Camilla, that’s not it.”
Camilla grabbed her arm, but she struggled.
“Put this aside.”
The wine glass crashed and fell next to her. Fortunately it didn’t break. I carried the bottle and glass out of the tent.
Buuuk.
Camilla zipped the tent halfway. If you try to open it, you can, but it doesn’t seem to want to. She even turned off the lights.
“… Sorry. John. I’m going to sleep. Just forget it. “I guess I drank too much.”
“That’s not it. I am… “
“I know. I know everything. You… “There is something to do.”
Camilla cut me off and listened.
“It’s because of me.”
“I said I knew.”
A crying voice. I ended up sitting down with my back to the tent.
Is it because my head is spinning, or because my mind is unraveling as it pleases? Words that I thought I would never say in my life came out of my mouth.
“When I was young, my parents fought quite often.”
Really, it feels like I’m back in time. I would fall into a deep sleep with the curtains drawn on the window, and then wake up to the sound of my parents fighting.
What I saw each time was darkness as thick as the corner of this room. Faint light came in through the crack in the door, and the shadows around the edge of the light seemed even darker.
I felt like I had to stop my parents, but in fact, I was scared by the thought of what would happen if the two of them really broke up, so I got up and tried to grab the doorknob.
Then I sat down again. It was because of childish, scary, and strange thoughts. Now I am a shadow, what if I get cut off by that light… Thoughts.
Maybe that is.
It may have been another expression of fear, wondering what I would do if I couldn’t stop my parents even if I opened the door and left.
“At least in front of me, my parents were really good people. He thought deeply about me and cared for me.
But when I go to bed or go to school, when we are a married couple and not a parent… I don’t think it was ever good.
It was mostly a money issue, but I think there was something deeper than that.”
“…… “
“There was a day when the two of you tried to be especially nice to me. I think that day, without fail, was the day when the two of you had a big fight.
I had many different thoughts at that time. I am grateful to my parents, but I also know why I am receiving this… “I just couldn’t like it.”
It would be nice if you brought more alcohol. Because then I think I can fall asleep at all.
Then, I think I can close my self-indulgent mouth. But there is no alcohol.
“In the end, the two reconciled. After the money came home… I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re lucky. There was something similar to laughter in the house.
The two of you often joke with each other. But sometimes, sharp hints are exchanged. At least, since the calluses are stuck together, it doesn’t seem like there’s much damage.
From Noble mtl dot com
If it’s good, it’s all good. I think so. But sometimes… When I see people who look harmonious. That’s what I thought. “I wonder if that is actually some kind of acting.”
It feels like the ground is pulling me. My head is heavy. I’m not even sure if I’m saying it right.
Definitely… It seems like it’s pouring out. It’s like regurgitating things that were just sitting in the body, things that were too burdensome to digest.
I don’t like being embarrassed.
“It’s more convenient if it’s a matter of interest. As long as there is something clear to gain from each other and a clear line to be drawn, there is no problem. It’s the same as the deal. There is nothing to worry about and no unnecessary emotions.
But other than that, other relationships… I do not know. Would I be able to have that kind of relationship? With someone like that… “I was wondering if we could become friends.”
I heard the sound of a zipper opening. But I couldn’t look back. Because Camilla held me still from behind her.
“Then, what about me?”
“I trust you. You said it before. It’s not a lie. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten this far in my relationship with anyone else. Just now… “Because I trusted you and entrusted you with my care.”
“I know that.”
Camila strokes my hair. Something I often did whenever she felt anxious. Now she is giving it back to me.
“Are you scared, Johan? With someone like that… What does it mean to have a deep relationship?”
“…I don’t know. Just like you. I can just trust in my likes and become deeper with someone else. Without any…Measures or interests….”
I feel like my throat is locked. I finally finished speaking after clearing my throat.
“That we can become intertwined and deepen. There may be people like that. There will be such love too. “But I don’t think that’s my story.”
Camilla walked away from me. The cold wind is refreshing. Dang. There was the sound of an LED light turning on. It changed to a softer light, closer to the mood.
“Camilla?”
Instead of answering, Camilla made a subtle expression that made it difficult to tell whether she was smiling or crying.
“That’s it?
“Uh…Huh?”
“You said that. There will be people like that. There will be people who are intertwined with each other just through emotions. But I don’t think that’s your story. Really, is that all?”
Camilla plays with her lips with her fingers.
“Really, even if such an opportunity were to come before your eyes, wouldn’t you take it? You know what your heart says. You’re so good at reading other people’s minds, even zombies’ thoughts. Why would you actually choose your own heart? Doesn’t it… Completely soothe you?”
Her fingers, glistening with her saliva, were traced across her breasts.
“Really, that’s it?”
My head lowered itself.
“I’m sorry. I’m scared.”
“What’s so scary?”
“Bringing out my whole heart. Because that could…Hurt someone.”
Silence.
I raised my head at the sound of rustling.
Camila took off her t-shirt. Pretty… She was wearing s*xy underwear. Her lacy underwear that showed off most of her breasts. Those underwear that I heard were purchased in different colors a long time ago.
“… “I expected a better answer than that.”
“… “Uh, huh?”
“It would be better if I didn’t know about you.”
Camilla lowered her head and smiled. She flicked her bra and ran her hands along her well-toned abs to her dolphin pants. I broke the band one layer at a time.
An unopened condom was inserted.