I Became a Blind Swordsman at the Academy chapter 191

191. This is not enough

About something precious that was found after loss.

What emotions do people feel?

I regret not being able to tell you, so I promise to tell you now and not want to lose again.

Realize how precious it is and repeat it over and over again.

However, there are bound to be some people who are not centered by looking at other people’s reactions and comparing themselves.

Then, which side am I on?

It was late at night, when the bluish moonlight was shining on a corner of the infirmary.

“How long are you going to stay there?”

Jetto asked.

“Ms. Kaen.”

To me who was hiding outside the window and unable to enter the room.

You can’t escape Zeto’s feelings.

I wasn’t making a single slight breathing sound, but Zeto had been aware of my presence for a long time.

“How long have you known?”

“Well, Miss Kaen’s presence is easy to spot in many ways.”

“…”

“Will you not come in?”

“I feel comfortable here.”

I thought this was my place.

A lot of thoughts came and went while pointing out the emotions I felt and the reactions of others.

There were no tears.

That wasn’t a sad thing.

Even if it was a miracle, it was because he had come back to life, and he was breathing again.

I was satisfied.

I was satisfied that he was alive.

I couldn’t cry in his arms, saying thank you for coming back to normal and saying I was sorry.

But it is also true that it felt disparate.

It was strange that I couldn’t cry normally.

Are my emotions dry?

Is it too calculated?

Is the bond he and I have built shallow?

I don’t know why, but one thing is certain: I was left behind.

So I thought this place was the right place for me.

Not by his side.

Not by his side.

To the extent of peeking at him from a distance.

Because that was enough to satisfy me.

I watched it even though I tried to approach it actively.

But it seemed like I finally knew it.

I thought I couldn’t replace the people who had built a bond with him before me, who had created the story.

It was my conclusion reached after a cold and thorough calculation.

This was not a defeat.

It was also my victory.

Anyway, he’s back, and I can stand here again.

I have no complaints.

“…Wasn’t the infirmary on the second floor by the way?”

“You can stand if you step on the gap in the wall.”

Then the sound of the blanket rustling comes from Jetto’s bed.

His feet touch the ground.

He was coming towards me.

Soon, Jeto stood on the window sill and opened his mouth.

“Sounds inconvenient.”

“…Not uncomfortable.”

After hearing the answer, Jeto tilted his head and suddenly stood on the window sill.

“It’s dangerous…!”

Jetto does not give in to my cry and sits down on the window sill with his legs sticking out the window and pushes the window that was less open.

Then he made a seat next to him and tapped on it.

As if to sit down.

As if that was my seat.

Jetto, who was knocking on the window frame, was clearly saying that.

“I need to rest…”

I had no choice but to sit next to him.

I couldn’t overcome Zeto’s silent pressure.

“How about it? This is much more comfortable, isn’t it?”

“……”

“Much more like a colleague.”

“Colleague…”

I haven’t had any work lately, so I haven’t felt like a colleague, though.

The window sill was a bit cramped, so it was completely pressed against him.

Is it because the distance narrowed in an instant?

Inadvertently, things I hadn’t been able to tell were coming out of my mouth.

“…I thought I knew Cadet Zeto well.”

“I see.”

“Because I know secrets that others don’t know, and I also know how strong Cadet Zeto is compared to what is revealed. But…”

It was shocking.

I was distraught when I heard the news that he had died.

“…This news was really unexpected. It wasn’t all I knew. This was the second time since I took the sword. I’ve lost my composure…”

“When was the first?”

“When I lost to Cadet Zeto.”

“…Ah.”

“Besides, until he miraculously revived… This is the third time, if I had to argue. Cadet Zeto is truly an incalculable person.”

“Do you need to calculate?”

“…Because that’s how I’ve always lived. It might sound arrogant, but I always thought I’d made the world go my way.”

I was driven by desire, I was looking for stimulation, I wanted it, and I finally created it.

Calculating people, making assumptions, making them act according to my will, and eliciting the desired reaction.

But Jeto was different.

It was an unexpected person.

A miscalculation occurred.

I couldn’t predict it.

I didn’t have the initiative.

That’s why I became more interested in him.

I wanted to figure it out.

I wanted to know him.

I wanted to take him.

I wanted to covet.

“Really… I’ve lived a simple life.”

In this harsh world where force is everything, he met an absolute strong man called ‘Sword Saint’ and grew up equipped with absurd force from a young age.

“Unlike Cadet Zeto.”

I grew up without lacking or lacking.

Aside from his grandfather’s rigorous training, he grew up experiencing neither adversity nor hardship.

It made my life simpler. It became monotonous.

“I’ve heard the news. They say you won’t quit the academy. Even though you’ve already died and come back to life, and even lost your arm… Ordinary people would have chosen to retire right away.”

I didn’t have the goal of serving Master’s cause like that.

There was no reason to step forward.

That didn’t mean it was too far off. Right and wrong were clearly distinguishable, but something was very different nonetheless.

Soon, he raises his head and opens his mouth as if he were looking at the night sky.

“Is it bad to live simply?”

“…Yes?”

“Is it bad to live by desire?”

“That’s…”

“I think that I am no different from Miss Kaen. I am only moving forward for my own desires.”

“…What is Cadet Zeto’s desire?”

What is his desire, what is his wish, that he can move forward without hesitation despite being so worn out?

“To make everyone next to me happy. That is my greed, desire… And my driving force.”

“……”

Jetto turns to me and smiles.

“And Kaen-chan is definitely included in that ‘all’.”

“To…?”

Because it was so sudden, a strange shriek came out.

It seemed like a story I had heard once, but it made my face tickle.

“If I can be happy, I don’t think it’s bad to live a simple life or pursue one’s desires.”

Soon, Jeto raised his hand to me.

“And you left this one behind… I was able to recognize it because it was the touch I remembered. This ring, Miss Kaen, right?”

On the ring finger of the right hand that Zeto held up was the ring he had given him in memory.

It was also the ring he had given me before.

Well, it was a ring with no meaning, just a reward for clearing the blood mage, though.

“Hmm… Can you help me for a minute?”

I wonder if there is no need for it now that it has returned?

He tried to get the ring out, but he was having trouble now that he had only one hand left.

I swallowed bitterness at the sight and helped him get the ring.

“hahahaha, I’m not used to it yet… Thank you.”

After Jetto took the ring off his hand, his hand that was holding the ring moved to my left hand.

“I’ll give it back. It’s Miss Kaen’s ring.”

“Cow, I think you misunderstood your finger…”

But the place the ring was headed was the ring finger of the left hand.

The meaning of a ring is bound to change depending on the finger on which it is worn.

Among them, the ring worn on the ring finger of the left hand… Anyway, this one had a lot of meaning.

Jetto tilted his head at my embarrassed words.

“Is something wrong? I don’t know because I can’t see anything.”

Zeto smiles slyly as if nothing is wrong.

There was no way he didn’t know.

There was no way I could be mistaken.

“……”

I looked down at the ring.

It wasn’t even that it was studded with expensive jewels, but could there be anything more valuable to me than this?

Then Jeto’s voice resonates in my ears.

“Is Miss Kaen happy now?”

“…I think so.”

“Ambiguous?”

“…I don’t know.”

From noble mtl dot com

“Then, how do you think Kaen, who has lived a simple life, can be happy? What kind of desire makes you happy?”

In the middle of such a conversation, I suddenly remembered what I heard from Kaliman.

‘Did I tell you? Your heart…’

I could tell you now.

It was different from back then.

Zetto, who was now visible, was exhaling his breath, the proof of being alive and breathing.

“…”

He was waiting for my answer.

“Well. Desire…”

What is my desire?

What is my true wish that is out of reality and out of the realm of calculation?

What should I do to be happier?

At that time, Zeto’s moist lips caught my eyes.

Even at this moment, my desire was so simple and honest.

The corner of my mouth went up slightly because it was a little insignificant and funny.

After a while, he conveyed his sincerity.

I conveyed to him the feelings I had not been able to convey.

“I want to kiss Cadet Zeto… That kind of greed arises.”

I was greedy.

Of course, it’s just my personal greed, so even if it’s not accepted, just by conveying my feelings…

“…”

Without a word, Jetto pushed his face right into me and kissed him.

…It was good. Happy.

“Now… Are you happy?”

Jetto asked.

“No…”

I was so happy that I felt like I was going to stop breathing.

“…That’s not enough.”

I kissed him again.

That kiss was long and deep.

It was as if the world had stopped.