Episode 175. At Yuri noona’s house (8)
Doing well in school is a good thing.
On the contrary, most people might think that if you are a ‘student’, it is right to go to school without fail.
“Do you want to go to school tomorrow?”
But that is prejudice.
When I was a student, there are many people who think that school is everything in life.
In fact, at the point of letting go of such an obsession, it is nothing but futile.
Is it right to continue going to school even though I am sick physically or mentally?
What’s more, who doesn’t specifically aim to go to college?
That’s why I want to teach Yuri noona.
School is not everything in life.
“…… Are you skipping school?”
“Let’s rest together tomorrow.”
“What are you talking about!”
Yuri noona scolded me in an unusual way.
Anyone can see that this is an excessive reaction.
“Ha, I have to go to school… “
My sister’s voice is shaking.
When I was told not to go to school, he didn’t scold me or pass it off as a joke, he shuddered.
“Are you afraid?”
“Don’t do this, because if you can’t, you can’t.”
Actually, this proposal is quite risky.
It’s because it’s blocking the hole to atone for the person who lives under the guilt.
Perhaps, if you make a mistake, you may live with guilt for the rest of your life.
“Should I keep my mother’s last word?”
“Yes.”
“This is something that even the sun cannot yield to,” Said Yuri noona.
“But it wasn’t because of Yuri noona that such an accident happened.”
“It’s all because of me, stop it.”
“Mom just wanted Yu-ri to disappear when another man came.”
“Stop it!!!!!!”
I finally did it.
In , The story progressed in a different direction from Sunwoo.
Yuri-nuna, who had exploded after that, wrapped herself around herself and muttered.
“Mom loves me. She can’t be hated So it’s all because of me. I didn’t listen to her mother, so things went wrong.”
It was the last outburst of an unloved child.
“It’s not because of my sister.”
I immediately went over and took Yu-Ri noona’s hand.
Yuri noona refused the first time.
“Leave this.”
“Did you hate me now?”
“It’s not that I hate it… “
Yuri noona’s face is a mess with tears.
“I’m not saying don’t go to school at all. Yu-Ri noona’s mother also said that she didn’t say anything because Noona didn’t go to school for a day or so.”
“But… “
I carefully wiped her sister Yuri’s tears.
If I had known I would cry this much, I would have bought toilet paper from the convenience store.
“It’s not all sister’s fault. It didn’t happen because my sister didn’t go to school.”
“…… It’s something she’s already tired of hearing through psychological counseling.”
“Then it worked even better. That’s what the experts say.”
“No, I’m saying this because everyone doesn’t know. How harsh I yelled at her mother back then.”
He hugged Yuri noona again and patted her on the back.
“Did your mother love Yuri noona a lot?”
“Yes. Still, she cooks a full meal for her, and sometimes praises her for her high test scores… “
For a while, Yuri noona listened to her hesitant stories and continued to stroke her back.
“Then what do you think mom wanted until the end?”
“Going to school.”
I shook my head.
“Mom loved Yuri noona. But when she wanted a little bit of her own time, she just wanted Yuri to leave her house as well.”
To be honest, it is unknown whether Yuri-nuna’s mother loved Yuri-nuna, or whether Yuri-nuna, who is simply lacking in affection, distorts her memories as her defense mechanism.
The world is not like a game where you can learn everything just by reading a setting book or strategy book.
But the important thing is how to interpret the current situation and move on.
“So let’s go somewhere other than school tomorrow.”
“Somewhere else?”
“Yeah, as long as you don’t lock yourself in the house, you’re doing what your mother wants, right?”
Could it be that, Yuri-sister was in constant conflict.
She narrows her eyebrows and looks at me with a complicated gaze.
“I’ll do as my sister tells me tomorrow morning.”
The space called school is gone, and I just want to teach Yuri noona the joys of the world.
————
Sister Yuri has returned to her house again.
“Taeyang, that… today… That’s because there are no blankets.”
“Okay.”
I tried not to forgive him for being caught by Juyeon noona and Gahi noona, but in the current situation, it’s a bit like refusing.
I don’t know what Yuri-noona will think because I brought up the story of her past for no reason, and today will be a particularly lonely night.
I lay side by side with Yuri noona on the bed.
“Sorry for shouting earlier.”
“It’s okay. I was the first one.”
“……… Thank you. For understanding.”
“……… “
What did I understand?
To be honest, I don’t think I helped Yuri noona in anything special.
Except she just listened and talked about what happened and then we almost got into a little fight.
“When I wake up tomorrow, I will reconcile with my white sister.”
“Yes! You have to do it. Maybe White is still unable to sleep over this.”
Should I rather do it now?
No. It’s like waking me up when I’m sleeping.
It is too late now.
I don’t know if I will go to school tomorrow, but I still have to get up early, so I closed my eyes.
“Hey, the sun.”
“Huh? It’s early morning, aren’t you asleep yet?”
“Yes.”
Did I cause a relapse of insomnia?
After a moment of worry, Yuri noona said.
“Can I sleep in your arms?”
“……… “
“Only today… My sister is lonely… “
I silently pressed my sister Yuri and her body.
Right away, Yuri noona hugged me.
“Thank you.”
“Yes, good night.”
And slowly I fell asleep.
——
I didn’t have nightmares.
No, I had a strange dream.
I always dreamed, but I haven’t had it for a while, and it was a strange thing.
It started with that nightmare scene I had before.
It was the morning of the day my mother committed suicide.
Arguing with her mother as always, her mother has the last word.
– I have to go to school! How hard I go through raising you, but I can’t even do that!
Ah… Now the nightmare begins again.
What will happen in this dream has always been predetermined.
Now the phone is ringing loudly, the news of the suicide keeps ringing, and the super-bloated shape of my mother begins to resent me.
It’s all because of you, that I wouldn’t have been able to live like this without you, that I gave birth for no reason.
And that this happened because I didn’t go to school.
I thought it would be a nightmare.
“Do you want to go to school today?”
After an argument with my mother, the sound I heard wasn’t a phone call.
Someone kept holding my hand again.
“Taeyang?”
It was a very warm and affectionate hand, as if it would take care of me and understand everything.
“Do you hate going to school?”
“…… Huh. I hate to go.”
Unknowingly, I started to sob.
I really hated going to school.
The kids kept harassing me viciously, and the teachers bothered me like that.
Everyone looked at me as if there was something wrong with me.
When I couldn’t stand that gaze and ran away to a place where I was alone, I started to feel extremely lonely.
“I really, really don’t want to go.”
How the rumors about my mother’s death got around, and since then, the bullying is gone, everyone avoids me.
Just… Every day, feeling a sense of alienation, feeling helpless that there is no place to lean on, from the sound I hear from behind, that no one is looking at me,
I just went to school every day like a ghost wandering around.
If I don’t even do that, I feel like I’m going to become a bad kid.
I feel like I’m going to become nothing, unloved by anyone.
I was exhausted after suppressing my loneliness and suffering to go to school.
“Let’s get out of here. Mom just wants my sister out of her room.”
A child named Taeyang arbitrarily changed the content of my dream.
Leaving the ringing of the phone ringing, leaving the school uniform still hanging on the hanger, I dragged my hand and opened the door.
Like a lie, the intense sunlight through the door swallowed him and me.
Let’s hold Taeyang’s hand and leave the room.
“…… Umm… “
I woke up from a dream.
Taeyang was sleeping soundly next to me,
Morning came through the blackout curtains.
———
“Ummm… “
“Ah, Taeyang. Woke up?”
When she opened her eyes, she saw Yuri noona’s figure right in front of her nose.
He was still hugging me.
I heard the morning sound of birds chirping outside the window.
The sun shines brightly in the room.
“Did Noona draw the curtain?”
“Huh?… Yes, it is morning.”
“……… “
Did you think I drew the curtains as soon as I woke up yesterday morning and was considerate of you?
I was about to get up, but Yuri noona pulled me toward her without letting go of her arms.
“Let’s stay like this for a little while longer.”
“Isn’t your arm numb?”
“It’s okay. Or will Taeyang hug you this time?”
Fortunately, he didn’t seem distressed by what he said yesterday.
She was at least relieved when she saw Yuri noona who was similar to her usual.
“….Sister, what are you going to do if you are late?”
That’s what he said, but Yuri noona stayed in her arms for a little while longer.
She stretched out her arm and picked up the phone that was placed on her bedside.
‘9 Am’
It’s already late.
“Sister! It’s nine o’clock now!”
“Ah, I hope Taeyang sleeps well.”
“It’s not that I wish you good night!”
“Speaking of which… “
Yuri noona hesitated for a moment, swallowed her saliva, and held out her phone in front of her.
“The story we talked about yesterday… I want to go here!”
“A good place for a date?”
“Ah, don’t look at this!, Mi, underneath!!”
Looking down, she saw a pretty cafe building that seemed to be targeting social media users.
“I wondered if there would be fewer people at this time… “
“Aren’t you going to school?”
“Huh? That… Taeyang said so… So… “
Yuri noona’s voice became more and more confident.
“Oh no? Wouldn’t it be better to just go to school?”
Now you’ve decided to overcome it.
I gently stroked Yuri noona’s head.
“You’ve had a lot of trouble.”
“… Suck… Sleep sun If you keep doing that, sister again… “
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Yuri noona was really a crybaby.
Even at such trivial words, she hugged her sister who had been crying again for a while and then she fell.
“Then shall we go out later?”
“Yes.”