14. End of lingering – 16
dreamed, dreamed
On a very thin string that cannot be confirmed with the naked eye, you peek into someone’s memory that you could not possibly know.
This is not her memory.
This is his story, and at the same time a dream.
With the words of a heartbreaking story that can no longer be changed.
The end of regret, unable to find the way back.
The time is finally the end of spring. The first meeting between him and her came from a small flower bed located in the patronage of the Duke of Estelle.
Although it had a thousand-year-old history and tradition, in modern times, the Duke of Estelle, who has fallen and declined without even being able to claim the end of the 4th Duke, An engagement was concluded between Count Cernard, who was despised because of his origins.
The heads of the two families accepted the engagement because they judged that this engagement would be able to fill what each other lacked, and accordingly, the two children, who could be said to be the parties to the engagement, faced each other as an example of a betrothed.
“Nice to meet you. Princess Estelle. My name is Sarah Cernard.”
In the middle of a flower garden where countless flowers were scattered, a girl with a delicate beauty, like a doll, quietly greeted him.
At the same time as the wind gently blows from somewhere, the girl’s blonde hair flutters slightly in the wind. The flower garden exudes the freshness it had earlier, as if it imitated her appearance. Just by standing there, the girl contained enough beauty to make the moment of everyone watching her an eternity.
At least, Cain, who was looking at her, thought so.
“…ah.”
Unsightly, he stared stunned at the girl’s appearance.
It wasn’t just because the girl, Sarah Cernard, was beautiful.
Sarah wasn’t laughing. To be more precise, Sarah looked at him and smiled brightly, but in Cain’s eyes, it was not a natural smile.
…As if a doll imitated a person’s smile, it would have such a lifeless face.
Even at a young age, Cain was able to instinctively realize. The child named Sarah, who would become his fiancée in the future, had no feelings for her.
It wasn’t that she liked herself, or even that she felt bad about being forced into an engagement. It was clear that I was just nodding my head without thinking because the family ordered me to come out and face him. Probably, it must be that she is smiling in front of me now because she was told to smile.
…For some reason, I hated it. why isn’t she smiling? She is so pretty even when she is not making an expression, how brightly she would smile if she smiled.
Although it may have originated as a childish thought, he had the thought that he wanted to make the girl who might marry him someday smile from the bottom of his heart.
Because she is my fiancée.
I fell in love at first sight with her appearance for the first time in my life.
Carrying these feelings into a corner of his heart, he caught his breath and reached out to his beautiful fiancée, who looked exactly like an elaborate doll.
“…Cain, Cain von, Estelle. Lady Sernard.”
It was his first love.
It was the beginning of a pitiful grief that could not be undone, and could never be forgotten.
Time flies.
After they became united under the name of engagement.
Cain von Estel and Sarah Cernard became much closer than when they first met each other. It must have been that they opened their hearts to each other in the passage of time.
The two would talk about various things from time to time. What did you eat for breakfast, what pleasant things have happened recently, what hobbies you have developed-
No matter what, there was a lot of time to talk and share good trivial stories.
…However, they couldn’t go further than that. No, I couldn’t go on. Sara was reluctant to progress their relationship further than that.
Though not showing off in front of Cain, Sarah Cernard was afraid. Although she was young, she understood all too well the situation she was in.
A product carefully crafted by the family. An elaborate doll with no free will.
She quickly realized that Cain liked her and dreamed of a future with her, but Sarah realized that no matter how hard she tried, she could never truly love Cain.
She doesn’t know love. Although her body has mastered the art of seducing and controlling a man, she is unaware of the feeling of liking someone. Sarah did not know what the meaning of her feelings toward Cain was. No, I couldn’t be sure.
…but what is certain is that it was scary. From the start, she knew full well that this engagement would not last long. In the first place, Count Sernard’s family only approached the Duke’s Estelle to confirm ‘something’ under the pretext of engagement. He hadn’t sent Sarah here to truly marry them.
Sarah knew perfectly well that this time with him would one day become meaningless.
Yes. It’s pointless.
Even if he really falls in love with Cain, in the end, everything will be scattered without leaving any meaning behind. Because the breakage was already planned.
So, no emotions or lingering feelings should be left behind. Love, even more so.
Unless someone brings me out of this hell, I can’t truly love someone.
Justifying herself in that way, Sarah gently closed her eyes.
Sarah Cernard thought that she was the most pitiful and pitiful woman in the world.
In fact, he did not notice the gaze of someone looking only at him from behind.
Yes, until the last minute. And, until now.
All the way.
Time flies.
Becomes spring, becomes summer, becomes autumn, becomes winter—
To the extent that it is repeated many times, and a new spring comes.
A long time passed.
For a long time Sarah Cernard looked at Cain von Estel, and at the end came to a realization.
A man named Cain von Estel is nothing more than a criminal.
It wasn’t that he had a talent for swordsmanship, that he had a talent for magic, or that he didn’t have an outstanding brain.
It didn’t take long to realize that he was an ordinary, insignificant man everywhere.
However, it was just that he needed time to understand and accept that he was such a man.
Sarah Cernard seemed to be expecting something, albeit slightly, from Cain von Estel.
As he grew up, he realized that he was just an ordinary human and gave up his expectations.
Looking at Sarah who somehow sighed toward him, Cain just felt sorry for him. What were you sorry about?
In the end, I was truly sorry that I had failed to make you, the woman, smile with sincerity.
If only I had talent, if only I had something to catch your eye.
Only the regret that he might have been able to be the man to be with you was holding him back.
Time flies. The earth was covered with greenery, and the sweltering heat beat down on the ground, and the leaves fell with a rustling sound.
After the engagement ceremony, Sarah Cernard would visit the Duke of Estelle and chat with Cain whenever the seasons changed.
This time, despite the change of seasons three times, she did not visit Estelle’s family.
At that point, he realized. In the end, that the planned catastrophe had come.
It was well expected. There is no regret. There is no pain. So, it’s normal that there shouldn’t be any regrets left.
For some reason, he realized that his two hands clung to him with lingering feelings for her.
In the dim past that was fading day by day, the face of a doll-like girl who couldn’t smile properly flickered in front of her eyes.
…I missed you. Unable to shake off his lingering attachment to her, he was now reaching out for something he could not reach.
That’s how I wrote the letter. It was a letter full of lies, asking you to come visit me because you are in critical condition and want to see you one last time.
If you receive this letter, I know you will be surprised and I will come running. You always have a cold expression on your face, but aren’t you as cold and cold-hearted as you look?
However, if you find out the truth, you will be very angry. You will be offended that I cheated on you.
…Still, I wanted to hold on to you even while reciting lies. I wanted to maintain a relationship with you.
sorry. Sara, I-
In the end, I couldn’t make you laugh.
Time flies. It became spring, it became autumn, and it became summer.
A letter was delivered to the Duke of Estelle. I did not bother to check the contents. All I could think was that something had come. He quietly accepted it and quietly put the letter in the drawer of his desk.
Duke Estelle also didn’t say anything different to Cain. Seeing his expression, he just nodded once.
So, everything is over. Cain von Estel’s engagement is over.
His first love, too, has come to an end. I thought it was over.
Time flies.
With the passage of time, the pain in the heart is also slowly forgotten. Although there were times when I was sad because of the sense of futility that hit my heart, I was able to maintain a calm mind because I believed that there was something left in my heart.
It’s spring.
It’s winter.
Spring has come and winter has come again.
One day, a polite wedding invitation was sent to the Duke of Estelle.
The sender is none other than the Duke of Tournigen.
The business is the marriage of Lucian von Tournigen, the minor duke of the Duke of Tournigen.
And the marriage partner of Lucian von Tournisen is none other than-
“…..”
The moment I saw the name written on the wedding invitation, my heart sank.
It was well expected. So there was nothing to be heartbroken about.
Such is the life of the nobles. Even if you get engaged, you break up without incident.
You may marry someone you don’t want, and you may end up divorced.
The value of one’s own name and honor belong only to the family. In front of the family name, it is as if there is no individual value.
When he received the letter of divorce, he was already expecting this ending.
However-
“…Sarah.”
In the end, he couldn’t erase the afterimage of the little girl he met in the backyard.
It’s spring.
In May. In the midst of the nobles who claim to be in the Empire participating in your wedding. He was just staring at the bride and groom from a distance.
I participated in the wedding hall, but I couldn’t afford to look at your face from the front.
Sitting at the very back, I faced only the final scene of you getting married with everyone’s blessings.
The scene where each other puts rings on each other and slowly brings each other’s faces closer-
In the end, both eyes were tightly closed. Because I couldn’t bear to capture that scene in my eyes.
Only then did I realize The wounds that I thought were all healed, actually didn’t.
The fact that I was just used to the pain.
…Yes, that’s it. This is the correct ending.
After a thousand years of decline and decline, rather than coming to the Duke of Estel, who has nothing, he has wealth and honor befitting the dignity of the 4th duke, and marries the Duke of Tournigen, one of the best swordsmen on the continent. That might be more suitable for you.
It might be a happier path for you.
A single leaf fell, fluttering.
The rustling sound echoes with the sound of fallen leaves being stepped on.
The lingering feelings and pain that I had kept for 10 years.
I felt like I had to let go of love.
I didn’t send you because love left you, but I felt like I had to let you go because I had lingering feelings.
I couldn’t make you smile, but he might bring a smile back to you woman.
Inside the wedding hall where everyone blesses a couple.
Inside, only one man turned his head lonely.
The last leaf flutters and falls.
I didn’t know what had fallen, but I did realize that something that had been holding me down had fallen off.
It’s spring.
Spring has come.
…But for him, spring passes in an instant.
The world was spring, but his world was only winter.
After she left, no one was left by his side.
So he became a loner. No, I made myself a loner.
A few years later, until the world was covered in winter.
All the way.