188 – Request for Support (8)
Having finished the meal, I was alone in my office, lost in thought.
Nothing disturbed me.
Warm sunlight seeped into the quiet room.
My body was at ease, and my mind found peace.
I could distance myself for a moment from all the pressures felt as a lord.
The discomfort from an uneasy status is shrugged off.
If there were no tasks left for me, I would have enjoyed a drink.
If Adam too was by my side, it would have been perfect.
I would have relished the passing time, free of worries and discomfort.
A comfortable chair. The quietly incoming sounds of nature.
Just the right warmth.
There wasn’t a more perfect moment to fall into a nap.
…Of course, the remaining tasks didn’t permit such a luxury.
“…Huh.”
I extricate myself from the rest with a short sigh.
The burden I must feel as a lord is shouldered once more.
I had people who needed my attention.
Whether there were benefits to bearing that burden… I was not sure.
I held the letter Arwin sent me.
I read the words written on the letter once again.
His words of helping if help was needed.
His words of providing various information about farming, to help me through the tough times.
That the knowledge accumulated over hundreds of years would be helpful.
I exhaled a sigh and leaned back against the chair.
Arwin’s last words still revolved in my head.
‘I have forgotten you. I no longer harbor feelings for you. I’m asking for help out of old affection, do not feel burdened.’
“…”
It was a relief.
It was a relief, but… a needless fluctuation arises at the words of having already forgotten.
It was a thought difficult to express in words.
One clear thing was, the certainty that the burden had lessened.
It meant, after all, that there wouldn’t be the awkwardness felt from forcibly pushing her away.
“…”
The dining scene with Ner was revolving in my head.
The honey pie was definitely delicious.
A dish laden with memories for both her and me.
In our early days of marriage, I often brought her honey pie, as Ner struggled to adjust.
It was a dish I got from the women of the village upon request.
Therefore, I knew that Ner making that honey pie was a means of expressing affection towards me.
That’s why I responded even colder as a reaction.
I couldn’t say it was delicious with more emotion.
Ner’s disappointed eyes are still roaming in my head.
What expectations she had while making that dish, and what disappointment she faced.
But… I didn’t want to give Ner false hope.
Regardless of my forgiveness, our situation is now unbridgeable.
I don’t know about being friends.
But it seemed that Ner wanted more than friendship.
And if it’s not friendship she wants… a relationship beyond that has been prohibited by law from the start.
Especially for us aristocrats, we were strongly bound by that law.
Honestly, I couldn’t understand why Ner kept approaching me that way.
Polygamy being prohibited by law is something she should know better than anyone.
Nothing would change by approaching… why do we keep repeating things hard on both of us?
I was tired of pushing her away, of seeing her disappointed.
She must have been hurt approaching and being rejected.
“…”
…Yet at the same time, I knew better than anyone that emotions could not be governed by reason alone.
When it comes down to it, both in defending Arwin and Ner, I’ve been fighting everywhere.
Is it a love, wanting, where only emotions devoid of reason remain?
Thankfully, she is keeping the bounds for now.
The standard might be different for everyone, but neither I nor Sien felt that Ner had crossed a line.
I had been prepared for a certain level of behavior from her since she decided to come to Stockpin.
Her attempts so far were modest enough to be negligible, and she was shy as ever.
Asking to stroke her head, or for a hug. Or making the honey pie.
She is behaving just as the Ner I knew.
In the end, if I keep cutting off these attempts, she’ll eventually learn to give up.
-Thump thump thump thump.
Just then, something tapped on the window.
Turning my head at the noise, Lua was tapping the window with her small beak.
I smiled at the adorable creature and rose from my seat.
Leaning forward, I brought my face close and asked,
“…Have you calmed down?”
-Thump thump thump thump.
“You’re not going to bite again, right?”
-Chirp! Chirp!
I lightly opened the window in response to Lua’s antics.
Lua flew into the room, taking a loop inside.
Soon, she landed on the desk.
“I don’t have anything for you.”
Sometimes, Lua would come to me as I worked in my office, expecting some treats.
I had fed her crumbs of bread or seeds of fruits.
However, even without treats, Lua chirped joyfully inside the room.
-Chirp! Chirp!
It was a bonus that she playfully pecked at various documents in the room.
Watching her, I chuckled and quipped,
“…I’d appreciate it if you took all those papers away, Lua.”
But Lua, unable to understand, continued her playful antics.
I sat down again.
Drawing in a deep sigh, I pulled the documents I had to work on next.
Lua, curious as ever, was pecking around by my side.
“Just play there. I need a moment…”
-Chirp! Chirp!
Then, among the various things she picked up, Lua brought me the letter from Arwin.
Though probably a coincidence, it felt as if she was telling me to deal with this one first.
“…”
I looked at the letter again and stroked Lua’s head.
For a moment, memories with Arwin resurfaced.
Similarly, I read over the postscript added by Arwin several times.
Finally, I smiled at Lua and said,
“…Alright. I’ll deal with this first.”
****
After the meal, Ner sat alone in her room.
Since her nursing shift was over, she could rest for now.
But Ner wasn’t resting.
She had laid out various books, studying epidemics and their symptoms from history.
Similarly, she was jotting down every known remedy for those epidemics, fully immersed in making a medicine for the current outbreak.
She didn’t hope that everyone would miraculously heal from the medicine she made.
For those whose condition had worsened, even the medicine wouldn’t guarantee their lives.
Only magic, spells, or miracles could offer that.
Ner was simply focused on finding a medicine that could significantly alleviate the symptoms.
If the medicine could provide enough strength to resist the epidemic, it was sufficient.
There was only one reason she went to these lengths to make the medicine.
Completing it would surely change her relationship with Berg, she believed.
He would recognize her sincere feelings.
“…”
But after today, doubt had clearly set in.
The fact she realized at the dining table.
Would Berg truly see her even if she accomplished all this?
Would he just say thank you and that be the end?
“…No…”
She bit her lip, furrowing her brow.
She didn’t want to believe in that reality.
She wanted to believe that with all her efforts, Berg might look at her again.
She longed for the smile and warmth from their days of married life.
She wanted to believe that the happiness of those times would find her again.
-Thud…
“…”
Ner hastily wiped away her flowing tears.
-Swish!
She didn’t want to shed any more tears.
She’d tasted enough of the wretched feelings and heart-wrenching pain after the divorce.
Every day was a repetitive hell.
‘Ner.’
She vividly remembered Berg calling her with a smile.
She remembered the feeling of sitting on his lap while he held her tightly from behind.
“…sob…”
From noble mtl dot com
She didn’t want to believe that such a Berg was gone.
That version of him was just asleep somewhere in his heart.
-Whirr!
Ner swept all the books and notebooks on the desk onto the floor.
Then she collapsed over the desk and wrestled with her negative emotions for a while.
…But in the end, those negative emotions emerged victorious.
No matter how much she thought about it, it was a situation where she couldn’t imagine anything positive.
-Sigh.
Ner somehow got up from her seat without realizing it.
Stepping on the notebooks scattered on the floor without care, she moved her steps.
An empty house.
At some point, Ner had walked to the master bedroom.
It used to be her room once upon a time.
That is, before that wench Sien barged in.
As Ner moved her steps, she discovered clothes that Berg had taken off.
“…”
Ner’s careful hands picked up the clothes.
If it were night, she would have stolen Berg’s lips, but since it was daytime, she couldn’t do that.
Memories surfaced of secretly touching his clothes in the past.
It was a distant, hazy past from over a year and a half ago.
Ner comfortably sat on Berg’s bed.
She swept the bedsheet with her bare hands once.
…Did Berg share love with Sien here?
Was this where their child was conceived?
“……”
…What would happen if that child and Sien disappeared?
Would Berg then look at her too?
Ner gripped Berg’s clothes in both hands as she imagined dangerous thoughts.
And then, very slowly, she brought her nose to the clothes.
“….Ah…”
As she inhaled the scent, her eyes softened.
Her yearning for Berg’s affection made her eyes well up with tears again.
The scent she had missed for a year and a half entered her chest more intensely than ever before.
She didn’t know such a lovely scent could exist.
It was to the point of feeling obscene.
At some point, Ner was lightly stroking her thighs again.
‘My husband…’
She whispered to herself as she breathed in more strongly.
‘My mate…’
Originally, she wouldn’t have needed to engage in such lewd behavior.
This side of her would have always remained dormant deep inside.
But the circumstances, Berg’s rejection, was bringing out her dark side.
She didn’t want to be like this either.
She wanted to feel happiness, not shame.
Yet that shame made her twice as happy as it was unpleasant.
So Ner collapsed onto Berg’s bed.
Entrusting her body to the bed of a married man.
“…Berg…”
She closed her eyes, smelled the scent of the clothes, and imagined that man.
She continued the fantasy of him abandoning his wife and embracing her instead.
Imagined him forcefully restraining her wrists and greedily ravishing her.
“Mm…Berg…”
Her tail spontaneously swayed lightly.
She even went as far as nibbling on Berg’s clothes.
As her body grew hotter, her actions became increasingly aggressive.
“…………..What are you doing?”
Then, at the sudden voice, Ner bolted upright.
“……………….”
Right at the entrance of the bedroom…Sien was standing there.
Ner blinked her eyes.
-Thud.
Berg’s clothes that were in her mouth fell limply onto her lap.
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