29 – Freshmen
A long time ago, I saw Lee Jin-ah’s legs bruised, and again- when she was bullied by strange kids at school.
She is dressed in a messy dress and her hair is in a bun. When I see Lee Jin-ah sleeping on her desk at her school all the time, I think Lee Jin-ah liked her.
When I was little, I just vaguely thought that Jin-ah was a pitiful child, so I had to help her.
When the director saw someone who was having a harder time than me, he tried to help. With that thought, I thought she helped Lee Jin-ah.
Actually, that wasn’t the case. Looking at Lee Jin-ah, who was ostracized by violence, poverty, and society, you must be the same kind of person as me.
The feeling of discovering a bright light far away while floating in the open sea wearing a tube. I thought I was the toughest person in the world.
I thought I had nothing and that the world only hated me – but it wasn’t true. There are kids like me.
It’s not just me being teased at this school, you are being teased too. Another bullying for no reason. Unknown violence. You know the endless loneliness.
There is a saying that you have to pay for your money. Because I am that kind of person too. So… Lee Jin-ah liked her.
You know what I’ve been through.
Even if everyone in the world can’t understand you, I can understand you.
Even if everyone hates you, I will be on your side.
It’s okay- I won’t hurt you.
I am your friend.
What do you think? Arrogant and selfish me.
Personally, it was hard to accept Lee Jin-ah when various incidents and accidents occurred and when I met her grandfather and saw her 180 degree change.
I still look like this, like this. Why did you… Become such a great person..?
This is unfair. If you’ve been great up until now, and you’ve been able to get out of the bottom, why… Have you been walking around like that until now…?
I thought I met a friend.
Someone who can understand me.
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I thought I was someone who could understand.
My stomach turned upside down and my head was dizzy every time I saw him step up to a level that I couldn’t even dare to look at. I was able to hold out.
Lee Jin-ah was a different kind of person from me, and she was what I was mistaken about. She thought so and she gritted her teeth and stopped looking in the direction of Lee Jin-ah, so her heart felt better.
Whether it’s a luxury item in the bag, a good perfume, or whatever… That’s not my part-time job.
I’m at Meister High School, so you’re going somewhere nice. Each person has their own path, and so far we have only parted ways at a crossroads while walking on the same path.
I am on my way. You are your way we’ll go our separate ways the complete opposite way. As we go on, the gap between us will widen, and we won’t be able to meet.
That kind of thing is fine.
We’ll end up walking different paths anyway.
“If you hate me for no reason, I’ll give you a reason to hate me. I warned you, Yoo Seon-ah.”
The visit is closed.
His horse is full of thorns.
Those thoughts buzzing through my head.
“…Do you have something to say..? Yoo Seon-i, you wouldn’t hate me for no reason.. What’s the reason…? Why do you hate me?”
I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you if it’s not now.
“Jin-ah, I don’t hate you. It’s not that we don’t like each other, we just don’t match.”
“Why do you think it’s not right?”
“You are a conglomerate, and I am a dirty spoon with nothing. Your status is different.”
“I don’t care about that!”
“That’s your idea, Lee Jin-ah. There’s no way we can get along with each other according to common sense. I’ve felt it for a long time, and we’re all wrong in one to ten things.
I couldn’t say it because I thought it would make you feel bad when I gave it to you as a present, but now I can.
Did you think it would be nice to give me something like this…? I’m so embarrassed that you suddenly gave me expensive clothes like this…”
“I won’t do it again!”
“I’m not great enough to receive such a gift, nor am I brilliant. I’m just an ordinary citizen, so don’t cling to me too much and play with someone who’s on your level.
I don’t even know what you want right now, Lee Jin-ah, even if you want something. I’m not strong enough to listen to that.”
“Why did you think that? I don’t think so? What a great person Yoo Seon is..! What a good person Yoo Seon is…
If I just eat and play like now, then I can be satisfied? You can do that much.”
“I’m not nice, no, and I’m… Uncomfortable being beaten by you all the time”
“Then…Let’s eat ramen! I like ramen! I like jjapaguri, I like stir-fried chicken, I like banana milk, I like tteokbokki… I like sundae, I like fried squid, I like them all. !
So let’s eat together starting tomorrow! I will also go to the convenience store with Yoo Sun and eat ramen and triangular gimbap!”
“…So, I’m not good enough for you to do that. Even at this school alone, dozens of trucks will come out that are better than me.”
“No! How kind Yu Seon-ie is..! Every time I get hurt and sick, he always plays air games next to me, plays hide and seek, and plays house with me..!
He protected me so that bad friends couldn’t touch me, and also – I ate with them, and they always told me funny stories – and bought me something delicious on the way home from school.
And he taught me how to study, how to wash and tie my hair, gave me a hot pack when I was cold, and fanned me in the summer.
At that time, I was really nothing. I was just a superfluous human who was useless to anyone, but you just… Treated me warmly and well… It was the first time I’d ever done that.”
“Jin-ah. It doesn’t matter what you think of me… I didn’t take care of you because I liked you.
I helped you because I felt sorry for you, because I felt sorry for you, because I thought you were similar to me and it felt good to help someone worse than me. Yeah.. Just like that.
The reason I was indifferent to you… Was just because I was jealous of you, Jin. Jealousy, inferiority complex… That’s why it was like that.
I’m fine now. …So I hope you meet a good person and be happy”
The light disappears from Lee Jin-ah’s eyes.
– Crisp… And a feeling of breaking something.
“…Wasn’t he nice to me because he liked me…?”
“…..”
“When I was in elementary school, we went into the turtle bunker together and told a lot of funny stories, had a snowball fight with me in the middle of winter, saved me from bad kids, taught me air, taught me tickets.
He fed me delicious food, always made me smile, and taught me to study…? Every time we played house, he said he likes me and loves me just- is it because I feel sorry for him…?”
Unless you’re an idiot, you know.
We are not ‘friends’.
That Jinah Lee liked me as a ‘man’.
“…That’s kid’s play”
“It was real to me..!”
“Jinah, I’m not particularly handsome, I’m not talented in sports, I’m not good at studying, and I don’t have a very good personality, but I really don’t know if you thought of me this much.
The more I talk about it, the more I get confused. I don’t understand why he likes me so much. There are many memories in your head, Jin-ah, who helped me when I was having a hard time in the past. I know you’re trying to treat me well.”
“…I didn’t treat you well for that!”
I know.
“I’m talking about it now. You have a lot now, but you… You’re the next successor to Mirae Group.
How many people’s fates hang on your shoulders. Please don’t be obsessed with things like this! Please wake up!”
“… I don’t care what Yoo Seon thinks of me..! I just liked Yoo Seon in the past and I like him now! That’s why I want our relationship to be good again..!
No matter what you think, I like you… I love you… I don’t want to break up with you. I want to stay by your side! I want to get along well! I like you!
Yoo Seon-ah, I had a hard time too! I also had a painful past… So I can understand Yoo Seon!
Yoo Seon-ah..!
I can tell you everything..!
I can explain to you what happened to me, what happened.
We haven’t talked much yet..! And we didn’t go to the aquarium together, we didn’t go to the zoo, and we didn’t even go to the amusement park.
Why do you think we won’t get along? Why do you think we can’t be friends? I’m embarrassed..? Then I…! I’ll give up everything…!
I just don’t wash my hair, wear sloppy clothes, I won’t study hard and exercise hard..! Then you’ll take care of me because you’re pitiful..?
…
I want you to pity me and sympathize with me again like before, and I hope you look at me with pity. So I want you to always be by my side, protect me, take care of me, and take care of me.
If it’s for that, I’ll do anything… I can do anything…!
…
Sorry for bothering you!
I’m sorry I gave you money on a school trip..! I’ll tell my grandfather and apologize for bringing you here! It was wrong to keep doing burdensome things! Also… I’m sorry for giving you clothes you don’t want to wear,
Again… Again…I apologize for having people test you…! I did it because I wanted to be recognized by you, to be loved and to be protected… If I got away from you even a little bit here… I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold onto you forever. That’s why I was just being forced..! I… I wanted to get along with you once again!
And… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I… I just wanted you to experience what I’m enjoying, what I’m enjoying.
So… That’s why I want to take care of everything, I want to do anything… I’ve never really thought deeply about what I’m thinking about, wired!
I just wanted to give you everything I was holding in my hands… I didn’t know it would be such a burden…”
Lee Jin-ah was crying.
Pungpung-
Tears streamed down his big eyes.
“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry… From now on, let’s go to the place Yoo Seon-i wanted to go… From now on, Yoo-seon chooses us.. And I’ll give up everything now… Just… I, too, like Yoo Seon-i. I’m going into the facility…
I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you so far. I just… I did it because I wanted to be with you… I just dressed up pretty because I wanted to be loved by you… I made a mistake… I won’t do that again… Just let me stay by your side.
I want to talk like before, eat together, read books in the library, and play house together. It’s okay if you think I’m weird It’s okay if you feel sorry for me It’s okay if you think of me as pathetic. Let me stay by your side, huh? I’m so sick, I’m so lonely, it’s hard, and I’m lonely. I want Yoo Seon to be my friend, my teacher, my brother, and my husband.”
“…Enough…”
I stopped Lee Jin-ah’s small body from trying to be held in my arms with her arms. Her head is one smaller than mine, but I don’t know where the hell her strength comes from.
With her power, she blocks Lee Jin-ah, who desperately tries to burrow into me. Lee Jin-ah’s well-manicured fingernails are broken, her hair is messy, and each other’s clothes are stretched out.
“Stop it!”
I screamed and pushed her away, and with her quandang-sound, Lee fell to the floor.
Lee Jin-ah’s empty eyes looking at me, and her tears flowing down as if they were out of order. Her broken fingernails. Bloodstains dripping down. Trembling body. Lips trembling meaninglessly.
“…Why are you obsessed with me…?”
I couldn’t understand. Why is Lee Jin-ah obsessed with me, why she likes and loves me so much.
“…We can’t be together”
I wish I could meet someone better than me and live a happier life.
I am a very insignificant and lousy person to take care of Lee Jin-ah. I’m not a good person enough to give up everything Lee Jin-ah has.
This is a very obvious fact, and it is a fact that everyone knows, but only Lee Jin-ah did not know that fact.