37 – Bullying
On the way to school.
Today, I hold Jinah Lee’s hand tightly and walk into the front gate of the school.
The sky is clear and the sun is bright. I don’t want to go for a walk or anything like that. I used to like to go for walks.
Not anymore.
They entered the classroom. Jinah Lee and I came in, but no one looked this way.
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Really, it felt like everyone was grinning and not paying attention… And in the corner of the classroom, there was a sportsman who had beaten me before.
I still don’t know his name. Even the dog’s eyes turned into chestnuts and changed like a panda. I never turned my head this way.
If it was like before, I would have been annoyed, angry, and said something to Lee Jin-ah because I didn’t like it, but now there’s nothing like that.
Just, I won’t mind you either. So please don’t mind me either. Please don’t touch me…. Is it just my misunderstanding that I feel this way..?
“I have a lot of free time for lunch today, so let’s go out and eat”
Lee Jin-ah’s arm naturally wraps around mine. She rests her head on my shoulder, and she seems to be playing her sweetheart.
Lee Jin-ah’s eyes close naturally. She looked out of the corner of her eye and saw that she was doing nothing.
“Yoo Seon-ah, it’s nice because it’s quiet. Isn’t it..?”
Jinah Lee seems to be enjoying this peaceful moment. Is she peaceful..? Although she is seemingly quiet.
Actually, he suppressed all the people who were dissatisfied with this and that, and made them tremble.
Lee Jin-ah told me before.
The kids who hit me in the dorm before. They were later called by Lee Jin-ah to retaliate against her.
PVC pipe. The men holding the pipes used at the construction site clasped their arms in full swing. The reason is simple. Because then she beat me until I kneaded it.
Then, Jina Lee showed me a video of that scene one morning with her proud face.
There was no one who could stop Lee Jin-ah. Omnipotent power. When parents of children complained, then workplace retaliation followed.
Suddenly stop trading, or… Raise interest rates, or suddenly audit.
There are two presidents from the Mirae Group, and Mirae is a person regardless of the opposition party or the ruling party, and the judges and prosecutors are also from the Mirae Scholarship Foundation. Separation of powers cannot be done properly.
In Korea, Lee Jin-ah is a god and almost invincible. If she reveals her dissatisfaction, she is then smothered with more severe corporal punishment, which is resolved.
“I like that wired shoulders are comfortable…”
For getting me into this school, to get this quiet silence. How many people did Lee Jin-ah trample, crush, and bully?
I don’t know. Obviously, even a few months ago, she no longer had the voice that said that Lee Jin-ah was wrong. Fearing her retaliation, I just quietly hold my breath.
…. Is this really the right thing to do…? If there is no Lee Jin-ah, what will happen to me..? Again- Will I be retaliated like in the dormitory again…?
There was a moment when I was so worried.
“Do you still have to be by my side..?”
– Ossu…
Goosebumps on her arms. For a very short time, I could feel the eyes around her looking at me.
It’s a fleeting moment, but I can definitely feel it. It was not an unpleasant emotion such as dissatisfaction, anger, jealousy, or irritation. The way they look at me
A look of clear sympathy. That she had to stay with that bombshell girl who would destroy everything around her in order to get what she wanted.
With that alone, I’ve had a lot of work up until now, but I was able to receive sympathy.
“Yoo Seon-ah, don’t you like it?”
“No, no… I love it too!”
“Really..? Then prove it here.”
Usually, just saying good is enough to get over it, but today was a little different. Prove it…? How..?
Jina Lee points her finger to her lips. Her lips gleam slightly. Did something go right..?
“Because even a minor can kiss me? Hurry up and prove it. Is it wired? How much do you like me?”
“…No, that’s me…”
“Yoo Seon-ah, don’t you like it? You say you like it. If you like it, you can do this much.”
Lee Jin-ah’s eyes gradually lose their color. Kiss… Yes, I can kiss you.
If we kiss now, what else will Lee Jin-ah ask for next time..? By the time her eyes darkened because of such worries…
“Jinah, the teacher has arrived”
“Ah”
She sits upright, smokes her textbook, and pretends to study. Lee Jin-ah’s forehead is slightly distorted.
Opening the door to her classroom, the teacher who came in was frightened when she saw Lee Jin-ah’s displeased expression.
“…Hey, what’s wrong…? Jinah…? Did the teacher do anything wrong…?”
“Teacher”
“…Huh…?”
“Teacher”
“..Yes”
“Why are you coming in now..?”
“..Eh.. No, it’s just.. Actually it’s class time… If you say anything about coming in now… I’m sorry. I won’t do that in the future”
“..No, just.. Be careful in the future. I hate the teacher.”
“…”
Lee Jin-ah said light words, and she accepted them, which was no big deal for a teacher.
How can a person pierce her face with pure whiteness like that? And people easily put down their pride when their lives are at stake..!
“Sorry..! Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it right away! Sorry!!!”
A teacher who is always kind, polite and caring. The teacher was banging her head on the floor of her sieve, where she was now kneeling in front of Lee Jin-ah.
I… I didn’t mean to laugh at the teacher who was doing the five fights. Because if I get down on my knees and beg her right now, I can be forgiven.
Right now, even if your parents are judges, prosecutors, doctors, or lawyers, they are dragged out like dogs in the middle of the night and beaten with pipes.
This is not- that is not. The end of those who could speak so confidently was divided into two kinds.
One fits in the mouth. Being beaten until a sound comes out, or being kicked out of school. I don’t have any options other than that.
“I was wrong! Just once…! Forgive me just once!!!!!! I beg you!”
There was no one here who could laugh at a young student more than half her age watching her kneel.
Because everyone has had that experience at least once – even me.
“What do you want Yoo Seon to do…?”
“What?”
“Shall I get fired?”
“No, if you ask me…”
“Depending on whether it is wired or not, my mood can be better or worse”
Jina Lee points her finger to her lips. She knew what Lee Jin-ah wanted.
I approached Jinah Lee with her eyes closed. Soft. And it’s soft. It has a subtle peach scent.
“Hee hee… Okay, teacher, let’s go to class soon~”
Covering her lips with the palm of her hand, Lee Jin-ah speaks to her teacher. The teacher’s face, which had been white as if she were about to die, brightened.
…Then he hurriedly ran to the lecture table and conducted the class with a trembling voice.
Looking at the back of the teacher as she presses down on the blackboard, what would have happened if I hadn’t listened to what Jinah Lee wanted…?
…I’m afraid.
It’s very scary that other people’s lives are determined by what I do and say.
In the future, Lee Jin-ah will continue to do this- she will use other people’s lives as hostages to get what she wants- I’m very afraid of that.
And there is something more frightening than that.
You don’t know when this will end.
It’s not just 3 years of high school, will I continue to live like this until college, work, middle age and old age… I was very afraid of that.
2)
Should I commit suicide? I don’t think I can live like this.
I think I just thought about that when I got back to my room.
I will continue to smash and grind everything around me. Watching others be put on the scales to elicit desired behaviors,
The people I love and like. The nursery school, the director, and Yoo-jung, what will happen…?
I don’t want to live a life of worry, fear, and struggling to protect what I have.
I will commit suicide. Thinking so, I opened the closet and found a tie.
School Uniform Tie.
Pull.
Tight – I don’t think it will break.
I undid my tie and put it around my neck.
Then I tied a heavy object to the other side of the tie.
For example, heavy reference books. After untying the shoelaces, tie several reference books together to make a bundle, and then weave it again with a tie.
I had never thought of committing suicide, but my body moved surprisingly naturally.
Open the window. The night wind blows
Since I’ve tied it up so many times, my tie and shoelaces won’t come undone.
Throws a bundle of reference books out the window. Like an anchor used to anchor a boat… It was hanging from the window and dangling… The tie around his neck was tightening.
Since the tie is made of soft silk, I thought it wouldn’t hurt my neck, but it hurts. I can’t breathe properly.
This sounds funny, but I was really desperate to kill myself.
My throat is itchy and stuffy.
Hurry up, let go of the tie. Quickly take off the tie that is strangling my neck. A hand just came up naturally and started scratching my neck.
A drop, two drops of blood… Just dripping.
The tie didn’t come undone.
..Thank God.
It’s a lot harder to commit suicide than I thought. Still… Little by little, the edge of my field of view is turning black as if it is being burned.
The sound of the wind is getting more and more muffled, and the feeling of a sore throat… It’s starting to get dull. The feeling of falling into a deep sleep.
The process is painful… But… I think I can be more comfortable now…