38 – Bullying
“…Ah…Ah…If you die…Don’t die… Wake up…Wake up…Wake up… No… Don’t like this…”
I felt a weight in my stomach. Brown hair swayed from side to side in front of her eyes. The lights are bright.
…Ah.
I should have locked the door and hung it.
Kukkuk-
Jina Lee presses her breasts with her two hands. Is she doing a heart massage or something…?
She failed.
“…Don’t die…Don’t die…Don’t die…”
“…It hurts”
If your brain lacks oxygen, you can’t feel pain or something..?
In other words, when oxygen starts to flow into the brain, you can feel the pain again.
Her throat hurts. Until now, there were bundles of reference books next to Lee Jin-ah.
I kept hanging this around her neck. You’ve endured it.
She should have made it heavier…
The tie I was wearing around my neck was already shredded.
And Lee Jin-ah continues. I was holding my chest tight
From noble mtl dot com
“… Please… Please… Stand up… Seon Yoo Yoo… I would die without you…”
Is this Jinah Lee who got what she wanted in exchange for smashing and destroying the people around her, even if it was only for a few hours…?
Jinah Lee, who was sitting on top of my stomach and pressing down on my stomach, was nervous, anxious, and terrified.
– Kkuk Kuk..
“It hurts…”
“Yoo Seon-ah… Yoo Seon-ah! Come to your senses…? Yoo Seon-ah… I did wrong… I did wrong… I won’t bother you from now on… I won’t bother you…
I won’t be threatening or irritating… I was wrong… I was wrong… So… Please don’t do that in the future”
Pungpung-
Lee Jin-ah was shedding tears. Ah, if you think about it, she was Lee Jin-ah, she was a child with a lot of tears when she was young.
She was bullied all the time, lay on her desk and cried all the time, and I comforted her all the time.
“…Away”
“…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was wrong. I was wrong. Why…? Why did you do this…? How painful this is. How painful… Why… Why this? …”
Jinah Lee raises her hand and points a finger at the scar on my neck.
“…Would you like to apply some medicine…? Or, Yoo Sun-ah, would you like something delicious…? Or, that… Don’t go to school tomorrow…? Do you want to rest a little…? What do you want to do? ..?”
To be honest, it’s a bit unrealistic.
It seems that she has a kaleidoscope right before her death. I heard that she was saving someone who attempted suicide.
Bewildered, gibberish. In a hurry.
Lee Jin-ah, who usually finishes all her work neatly and meticulously, is clumsy today.
All the medicine in the first aid kit spilled onto the floor.
“Madecassol..Madecassol…”
Squeeze out some madecassol and start rubbing it on the nape of my neck. I had one new can, but I’ve used more than half of it.
“…Seonah Yoo…”
I didn’t say anything, but I applied the medicine alone and then again. Tears welled up in my eyes, and then again – they came and came into my arms.
Sweet peach scent. And it feels soft to the touch.
“Jinah”
“…Yeah”
“I’m sorry but I want to be alone”
“…That”
“Can’t I..?”
I push Lee Jin-ah out of my arms. It falls off easier than you think. I can’t sleep all of a sudden, and I just don’t want to do anything.
To be honest, I just want to do nothing. I want to do nothing like crazy.
Doing something here with Lee Jin-ah already came as a stress to me.
I don’t even have the energy to die. Suicide is also a way to commit suicide.
“…Go away”
With both of her hands, I pushed Lee Jin-ah who was on top of me, got into her bed, and pulled her blanket over her bedside.
It’s ridiculous even when I think about it. When I opened the door and came in, I found that she was committing suicide by hanging herself, and I saw that she was trying to prevent suicide. He said he was suddenly tired and told him to turn it off.
What is Lee Jin-ah thinking right now? If it were me
What kind of bastards are there? I guess that’s what I mean.
“…Yoo Seon-ah, then. Let’s get up and talk again…”
Unexpectedly, they quietly retreat. The sound of lights going out, and the sound of a door closing.
Still, like a turtle, I stay still with the blanket wrapped around me. I used to play like this all the time at daycare when I was little.
It was nice to feel like this while wearing a blanket… I felt very comfortable, and I thought that no one would be able to enter this space.
I’m tired.
I’m at a loss as to what to talk about with Lee Jin-ah tomorrow. She’s like an idiot, and I can’t even keep up with myself, and I’m disgusted with myself living like this…
Lee Jin-ah, who just told me not to touch her and didn’t really do anything and quietly stepped back, is also an idiot.
It’s just that every corner of this house is like an idiot, and I’m also an idiot, trash. Hair quality. Peck cub If you were thinking of committing suicide, shouldn’t you have stabbed yourself in the stomach with a kitchen knife? A pathetic bastard who doesn’t know how to do anything right. Sick…
Assholes, assholes, assholes.
I should have bitten my tongue and searched…
A stupid bastard who can’t do anything properly.
….Eyes close.
Well, there’s a story like that. When a person dies, something looks empty or something like that.
I’d rather have this scene I’m looking at now like that.
When I close my eyes and open them, the necktie is still strangling me, and I am dying little by little. Something like that I’d rather it be like that.
Everything would be easier if I died.
2)
The morning has dawned. Even a blanket covered up to the top of your head can’t completely block out the bright morning sun.
My neck is sore.
My throat feels so swollen as if I caught a cold.
He stutters his neck with his fingers. My throat is swollen as if I was bitten by an insect. … It’s like he’s got a donut stuck in his throat.
Udultudul- It’s swollen.
I rolled up the futon and looked out the window. Unknown birds were chirping on the branches, and picturesque flaked clouds floated in the sky. The sun hung in mid-heaven.
…What time is it? I don’t know, but I think it’s perception.
…..
I feel at ease after attempting suicide yesterday. This is, if you listen to the reviews of people who have failed suicide, they say that the world looks different, and suddenly a hopeful tomorrow appears, and that’s it, but I’m not at all like that.
It’s just that my heart is still depressed.
No matter how much I struggle, nothing will change. Maybe something like that Even if I die anyway… Come to think of it. That’s right…
How sad will Yoo-jung and the director be when they hear that I committed suicide…?
In the past, is it Yu-Jung? He prays for me every night, how sad is Yu-Jung, and how much does the director tear his hair out saying that I should have done better…?
-…Sniff!
My nose is stuffy and I feel like crying. Sorry. Sorry. I think I did something really bad.
Thinking of those two, I shouldn’t have done something like this. …I want to go back to daycare
“…Yoo Seon-ah, are you awake?”
The futon is completely down. Jinah Lee is standing. Tears that seemed like they were about to come out came out.
Obviously, until just now, I was very sad, but now it’s okay. I only looked at her face, but I got a little… No, very tired.
…I can see a blanket and a pillow on the floor next to the bed.
…Since when did Jinah Lee sleep here? In fact, even if it were me, I wouldn’t have left the person who had just attempted suicide alone.
“Yoo Seon-ah, I’m tired. Would you like to sleep more?”
Jinah Lee put the blanket back on me and covered her head with my blanket. Warm, comfortable, cozy. Again- I’m glad I can’t see Lee Jin-ah.
3)
I think I slept the most since coming to this school. I think I just lay in bed and sleep all day today.
When I opened my eyes, the sun hanging in the middle of the sky was setting over the ridge, and Lee Jin-ah was lying on the floor of my room… And was still.
Just stay still, like a corpse. She lay like that, only blinking her eyes…. She seems to be thinking about something, but she doesn’t want to care what Lee Jin-ah is thinking.
Well, there’s a story like that. She made a suicide attempt while in the army with her shoelaces.
The story is that when such a thing happens, all the shoelaces in her unit are removed.
Maybe I’m planning to get rid of all ways and means to commit suicide?
Then… Or, I think he might have lost his temper with me.
Why did I say I like mojiri like that..? What do you think? That’s why I’ve never seen a pathetic and lacking guy like you. Now disappear neatly from my face.
Confiscation of shoelaces. And being kicked out while being treated harshly.
If there are two options, I’d choose the latter. I can go home with contempt and disgust, but I don’t have to suffer from Lee Jin-ah anymore.
I don’t think I’ll be able to commit suicide again… I miss the director and Yoo-jung…
“Yoo Seon-ah… Kang Yoo-seon. I know you’re awake.”
“…Why”
“Do you want to go to Meister High School right now?”
“…Why am I going there. Aren’t you going to follow me anyway…?”
I even committed suicide once, so this is the answer.
“…No..! I’m not going there… I actually want to go… But you don’t like that… I’ll stay here……Actually! I’m going too. Meister High School… I want to go with you…
Because you hate that…”
“…What do you mean?”
…Stumble…
Lee Jin-ah, who was sitting on the floor, slowly climbed onto the bed I was lying on.
Lee Jin-ah riding on my waist.
It was much lighter than I thought.
I tried to commit suicide. Even though she has been suffering until now-why… Why does Lee Jin-ah look more exhausted and haggard…?
I don’t understand.
You, honestly, it’s been fun so far. It was fun.
With me, who can’t do anything, by my side, I got hurt. Why do you look like you’re going to die? Why? Why?? Why???
“…….”
“…I thought I knew everything about you, what Yoo Sun-ie likes, what she hates, what she’s afraid of, and what she feels most rewarding about doing. Now I don’t know anything.
I still like Yoo Seon. I always want to go around together, I want to be with you, but you always stay away from me. So… I’ve been trying to force myself up until now.
Because if I threaten and harass you, Yoo Seon listens to me. But now I can’t do that either. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, I don’t want to burn Yoo Sun’s prized possessions, and I don’t want to make unreasonable demands of you.
I just want to hang out with you like the old days. Sorry. Can’t we get along like before again? I want to start over…”
“….Don’t say nonsense. f*ck.. f*ck… f*ck. You bullied me until now. I almost died because of you. Now you’re going to do something that never happened..? You f*cking selfish b*tch. Hey”
Stroke Lee Jin-ah with his hand.
I always, always thought that way. If I put in a little bit of strength, I think I can beat Lee Jin-ah with one hand.
Why do I have to live with suffering? Why..? Why…?
Look at that. Even if you strangle your neck with one hand like this, you can’t do anything and just get hit…
Die…Die…Die…Die!!
“…Uh…Ugh…”
I shake my body and crush Lee Jin-ah, who was on top of me, under me. And… I give more strength to the hand that was choking her.
From noble mtl dot com
Kong Kong- I can feel Lee Jin-ah’s veins on my fingers.
Beating slowly, Lee Jin-ah’s heartbeat is gradually slowing down. …The brown eyes are getting blurry. It’s not focused.
A little more- just a little more- just a little more… I think I can kill you…
“Lady!”
I hear a crackling sound. The door opens. Men in black suits pushed me away.
“-F-ha!”
I failed again this time.
The old men separated me and Lee Jin-ah.
The hand that was strangling Lee Jin-ah was forcibly removed. Red blood began to circulate again on the face as pale as drawing paper… It fell from the top of Lee Jin-ah’s body and landed on the floor again.
It sounds like sh*t.
Lee Jin-ah can do everything around me at will. The fact that I couldn’t do that was f*cking sh*t.
The thought that no matter what I did with Lee Jin-ah, I would never be able to meet all the people I thought was important to me, I would- f*ck again.
Just, this lethargic reality of not being able to do anything.
Can’t die, can’t be killed. The fact that I had to stay with Lee Jin-ah in this house where I couldn’t get out of was like a beggar.
I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Like a f*cking idiot, I can’t hang myself properly. I should have bitten her tongue and searched. I should have run into the road and run over.
I should have cut my wrist on her knife and searched. f*ck… f*ck… f*ck…
“…. I’m fine! Let Yu Seon go free..! It’s just a matter of starting again… Yeah……Let’s not go to school, let’s go back to Meister High School. From there Yoo Seon-i learns a lot of things he wants to learn. Do everything he wants to do-
Yeah… I’ll just sit by and watch. It’s my fault. I’m sorry! I… I’ll do better in the future… Don’t just press down on the wire! I’m in pain… I’m in pain… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…!”
Lee Jin-ah again – falls into my arms while shedding tears. … The feeling that her chest was getting wet was unpleasant.