39 – Parents
Like a string pulled tight. The relationship between us was cut off.
I knew we had broken up long ago… But it took a really long time for Lee Jin-ah to accept that fact.
So many wounds and scars on my body. With a lot of bruises.
I’m tired.
An existence that is incompatible with each other like fire and ice.
We are just that.
The code is incorrect.
Favorite food and favorite clothes. A hobby, a specialty you enjoy. Because none of that was right.
I like working out, Korean food, and I like to wear light sweatpants, but Lee Jin-ah, you also like Western food, which requires frequent use of a knife and fork.
Because I often wore clothes that made me look like a flimsy princess.
A story like this came up in math class before.
1 Degree difference. Two lines with angles differing by only 1 degree are drawn straight ahead.
At first, you might think it’s only a 1-degree difference, but if it goes on for an incredibly long time, there’s a noticeable difference. At that time, the teacher told me that two lines that cannot reach each other are parallel lines.
We were obviously close when we were younger. There were also some similarities, but they are not of the same category.
Two lines with only one degree difference between us.
Judge- The more we live in the future, the more we think, what we see, and what we feel. The difference will never be narrowed.
Like parallel lines that can never meet. We each have to go our own way.
I told this to Jinah Lee several times, and she tried to make her understand somehow.
I think I did my best. How much did I suffer from Lee Jin-ah?
… The love she gives me is so heavy and sticky. If I accept it, I will suffocate.
“…Yoo Seon-ah, would you like to eat? I’ll make you something delicious!”
Lee Jin-ah lying on the floor of her room speaks to me. She had been beaten like that before, but this time she asks to eat, and she does.
“…”
Let it happen. I ignored Lee Jin-ah’s words and closed her eyes.
A rustle, rustle… A sound is heard, and the door closes.
Then a few rattles.
-Kik.
The visit is open. When she opened her eyes, Jinah Lee was holding one of her pots in her hand.
That’s why, the yellow sheep pot. I thought she only had bowls like bone china and Hermès. There was something like that.
Well, where was it? I just didn’t look for it.
When Lee Jin-ah opened the lid, her steam rose from within.
…It’s a familiar smell. I didn’t even close it originally… I open her eyes and look at Lee Jin-ah.
“…Yoo Seon-ah, would you like some ramen? You like this.”
“Don’t eat”
“So, do I eat all of this?”
I take out a book from my bookshelf and use it as a stand for ramen. Jinah Lee has two chopsticks in her hand.
So you brought two ‘pairs’ instead of two ‘dogs’ to eat with me? Kang Yu-seon succeeded in making ramen for her granddaughter of a conglomerate.
She pushes the nursery school away, and a lot of that kind of noise comes out of her mouth, and then she sheds her tears again, and then she goes to another school with me again…
Come to think of it, Jina Lee seems to have lived her life too comfortably. She’s on her own.
Too many things have happened these days, and now I don’t want to react to every single one of them.
“…”
“Do you remember Mijin snacking before? We ate ramen after school during exam period..! I liked rice cake ramen or cheese ramen.
You are wired. I just put a piece of cheese on it, but I got 500 won more, and I cut a little rice cake, but I got 1,000 won more.
But the funny thing is, you always said that with your mouth. When I said I wanted to eat, he bought everything.
I just ordered a bowl of ramen and shared it every day. We always did, so the boss just gave us a free bowl of rice as a service when we came. At that time, the house was really delicious.
I remembered it when I was in middle school and visited it once, but there were no snack bars, only franchise restaurants. The ramen there was tasteless.”
“…”
I’m tired. Again – again – again – pouring out stories from the past. Jinah Lee is always like this. She’s on her own
As always, she starts off with herself, and gets her own way. Then, once I wince, something like this happened in the past. At that time, Yoo Seon-i was so good to me, I really liked it.
I was happy. We were good then, but why can’t we be so happy now..? Why?? Why??
I’m sick of it. I don’t want to stop hearing this. We are parallel.
I always tell you to meet someone else for your future, and you always try to go back to the past by talking about what happened in the past.
Again, in the process, they are thrown, broken, burned, hurt again, hated, resentful, and in agony, and then repeat the process again like a hamster running on a treadmill.
“…Whatever Yoo Seon thinks of me. I like Yoo Seon.
Eating ramen with friends at a snack bar, playing games on a small game machine in front of a stationery store, eating bonbons, or getting my teeth cold after eating a cool slush.
I liked the fact that I had friends to play with when I went to school every day, and that there was a space where I could be comfortable.
I’m sorry I disturbed you from going to Meister High School. ….I’m sorry for always threatening you with the people at the orphanage, and I’m sorry for threatening and stabbing you with a fork if you don’t listen. I won’t do that from next time.
I did it because I was so… so scared. If I didn’t do this, it seemed like you would always leave me. We still have a lot of things we want to talk about together, and we couldn’t go to the aquarium or go on a trip.”
“…Jinah, let’s stop. It’s hard. Do you think we’ll really be happy if we do what you said?”
“I want to start over. Will teach you to study,
I’m going to go around messy, so Yoo Seon will wash it. That… I don’t need a lot. I just need to be by your side… I just need to do that… I’m sorry I hurt you. I apologize for bothering you”
Sure.
The uneaten ramen is pushed aside, and Lee Jin-ah climbs onto the bed I am lying on.
Heavy feeling. Long brown hair tickles my face. Jin-ah Lee’s weight presses against my body.
“You just have to do the same for me as I did for Yoo Seon. I can do anything for you. Just do what I did for you, Yoo Seon. Just draw it, so it’s like we’re giving and receiving.
And there, I’ll just give it all away. I’ll put it all down, Yoo Seon hates things like this. So, I’ll give it all up, I’ll put it all down. Yeah… Let’s start over”
Lee Jin-ah’s small hand grabbed my hand and lifted it up.
Thin. She felt Lee Jin-ah’s neck as if she could break it with just a little bit of strength.
“…Please, leave me alone”
I shake off Lee Jin-ah’s hand and push it away.
-Fluffy.
I lay down facing the wall and felt Lee Jin-ah’s slender arms wrapped around my waist.
“…Hey Yoo Seon-ah…”
Keok…
I could feel her arms tightening around my waist. I felt a soft touch on my back… And a wheezing sound.
It is troublesome to react individually.
It’s f*cking annoying… It sticks like f*ck.
I don’t like being stuck like this.
I really want to rest.
Stress builds up every time a person sees a person.
I just don’t like being stuck in one place. That… Even if you want to run away. There are bodyguards guarding the entrance of the house, so you can’t escape.
If Lee Jin-ah keeps clinging to you…
“…Would you like to play with me…?”
The hand holding my waist gradually goes into the T-shirt. Up… Up… Little by little the hem started to go up.
“…I can do it well… I’ll work hard! You can do whatever you want… Yeah… It’s okay. The old men don’t care about us anymore… You can hit me, you can strangle me. .
Play with me as you please and then kill me. It’s just… It’s fine if you kill me… Yeah… I want you to treat me as you please until the anger subsides.”
“…f*ck it. Get out of here. Don’t say stupid things like that.”
I shook off the arm that was holding me and pushed Lee Jin-ah under the bed.
-Quadang!
“…Ha… Uh…”
Lee Jin-ah fell off the bed and cries. Cry again. I didn’t want to hear her cry, so I covered her with a blanket.
f*ck you, why are you wiping it away?
2)
Our relationship was completely destroyed, but Lee Jin-ah was constantly trying to restore our relationship somehow.
When I thought about it, I thought our relationship was already broken.
Lee Jin-ah was tearing up as she was picking up her broken fragments…
She was terrified.
She was looking at me so much that I wondered if she was Lee Jin-ah, who viciously harassed me.
From noble mtl dot com
During her childhood, Jina was especially attentive to me. No matter what she says she always says something that doesn’t make me feel bad, and also… She just doesn’t do anything I don’t like.
She always thought she was up to my standards, not the standards she wanted to be. She didn’t think much of it back then when she saw it.
“…Yoo Seon-ah, don’t eat…?”
I open my door and Jinah Lee comes in again.
Should I lock the door? I’ve thought about it, but since the last suicide attempt, I’ve taken out all the locks in the house, so I can’t even lock them.
I want to stop watching, but now I don’t even want to look at you. Lee Jin-ah brings food again, and she approaches me.
I don’t know if it’s been a few days. I don’t eat food, I don’t drink water- because I’m still in bed…
“Yoo Seon-ah.. Please eat anything. Please..”
He feeds them directly with a spoon. Fried rice. It’s the same food you ate last time.
Picked me up with a fork. I remember what happened back then.
-Wow….
f*ck…f*ck…f*ck…I haven’t eaten anything. I vomit a lot on the duvet. Badly A strong sour taste like eating a lemon.
It’s like f*cking a dog.
“I’ll clean it up. Yoo Seon-ah… I’m sorry, it’s okay”
And I pulled up the blanket and went somewhere.
From then on, Ji-na Lee was doing something else.
From a certain moment, I was holding onto the phone and contacting various places.
I was very desperate.
Screaming over the wall- cursing, screaming…
Unbeknownst to me… I think I fell asleep for a while.
My mind is hazy.
I was hungry, but I’m not hungry anymore.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been lying down all the time, so I haven’t burned any calories.
I don’t think it’s bad to just look around like this.
I don’t even know what time it is, I don’t even know what day it is. Again, Lee Jin-ah entered my room. Be careful. She hesitates at me and she tries to say something.
“…Hey, Yoo Seon-ah. Do you have any plans to meet your father…?”