79 – Trial
…It was when I was in kindergarten.
At that time, I had the opportunity to make carnations and present them to my parents as a Mother’s Day gift.
Crunch Square-
The carnation cut and pasted from red paper and green paper was really crude and sloppy… But, it was the first time I made something with my own hands.
I was very satisfied with it, and my heart was pounding at the thought of taking it home and gifting it to my mom and dad.
Kindergarten… Grown-ups say it’s a 5-year-old who doesn’t know anything, but it’s not. How smart and quick-witted kids are at that age.
I know everything.
I know that mommy and daddy fight every night, night after night, and I know that my mom hates me- and I know that my dad doesn’t want to come home every day.
But… We are a family. Originally, families should get along well with each other! Because..! Because that’s family! If you fight with your friend, make up. I wish mom and dad would reconcile like that!
I don’t want anything! Just, shake hands amicably- I wish we could reconcile! I have to do well for that!
The teacher said. Everyone likes to receive presents – so I hope mom and dad will enjoy receiving the carnations I gave them!
Why is that gift a carnation… Because today is Mother’s Day!
Although, Mom. Even if my dad doesn’t take care of Children’s Day, I’m fine!
That’s proof that I’m not good enough! I’m fine!
So- I will try hard! I will work hard to restore the relationship between mom and dad, and on Children’s Day next year, eat delicious food and have fun-
Also… I want to spend time with my mom and dad talking about what happened at kindergarten all day!
“I’m back!”
…So today I’m going to be more courageous than usual! I won’t be discouraged any longer!
I won’t be embarrassed to say that I met my mom, and I won’t be embarrassed just because I met my dad!
Happy happy~
If you give me a carnation I made with a bright smile, my family will…! I had faith that I would be able to live happily ever after.
When I got home, I looked around and saw my dad sitting on the sofa.
I just looked out the window without saying anything.
It seems that my dad from other houses always goes somewhere on weekends… My dad always reads books at home. Or he sleeps Either that or just staring out the window is everything for the day!
“Dad!!! Do you know what I made at kindergarten today?”
I hugged my father’s legs as he sat on the sofa. …Actually, this is the first time I’ve shown affection to my dad like this.
My dad always ran away because he was scared when he saw me… So it was hard to get close to me, and I felt very distant- Today is Parents’ Day..!
So I mustered up more courage than usual and grabbed my dad’s leg first before he ran away…! If I don’t do this… Dad will run away right in front of my eyes-
– Bang!
Steel-!
It hurts… It hurts… Dad shook my leg and sent me away…! I think I hit my head on the sofa… It hurts so much… My nose is hot… I’m bleeding… I’m bleeding…
“… Ha…!”
My dad’s face looking at me with a terrified face. It’s just… Dad was shaking. Am I… Am I wrong..?
I didn’t mean to scare my dad at all… I just… I was always in the room, but sometimes he came out into the living room, looking very tired, exhausted and tired… So I wanted to help him.
“How am I your father…”
My heart is breaking… The teacher praised me for making it today… Carnations. My father’s hands have crushed, distorted, and crushed… I made it hard… Today is Parent’s Day…
2)
“Hey, Lee Jin-ah. Let’s see mom.”
“…….”
My mom called me after work.
What did you call me for today?
Half worry, half fear. I’m so scared, my heart thumps.
I carefully opened the door and entered the room where her mother was… I could feel her mother’s gaze staring at me even though she hadn’t even changed her clothes.
It’s chilly, I think I’m going to get cut.
“What did you do wrong today?”
“…Didn’t do anything”
I can feel it instinctively.
I’ve made a big, stupid mistake again… As she was washing her face dry, she looked at me again.
“Don’t lie. You? Are you lying already? No way!
A cane placed on the desk.
My mom took it and started striding toward me..!
I don’t like being scared, and being in pain is terrible, but being beaten by my mother is scary, horrible, painful, and I hate it…
I hate it… I hate it! I got down on her knees and borrowed her palm..! I want to live… I told my mom about what happened today.
“Dad… I gave him carnations… Today is Mother’s Day… The teacher said to give them to Mom and Dad as a gift. So… I gave him carnations as a gift. Dad I feel very bad…”
“…Are these carnations…?”
Crumples- The petals were completely torn off, and I couldn’t find where the stems went.
But… In poor handwriting, the words “I love you Mom and Dad!” Remained…
“…Yes, that’s right…”
…Was it such a big mistake to give carnations to my dad as a gift..? I don’t know… The crumpled carnations are starting to crumple again in the mother’s hand…
“I’m giving this as a gift- of course I’m angry”
….I just made that all day today. How much colored paper did I cut to make the red sawtooth…
I erased and repeated writing in order to write round letters… My shoulders hurt and my eyes hurt…
Still, if mom and dad see this… How… How much will they like it…? Will you be happy? How hard i worked…
“Because you can only do it this way- am I not getting mad…? Stupid thing- what kind of carnation is carnation… Annoying. Even if I made it with my feet, I would make it better than this.”
-Buk-Buk!
The shredded carnation was torn and ended up in the trash. And my mother took her cane and lifted my calf.
“I’m sorry every time I get hit. Are you shouting…? Let’s get 30 hits today”
– Pair!
“…Sorry!”
-Pair!!
“…Sorry…”
I’m not sure if giving carnations to my dad was so wrong… Though. Because if I yell at my mother, I get beaten with her fists, not with a cane…
So I bit her lip and endured all of her mother’s cane.
3)
“…Look at this – what kind of girl’s calves are like this… It’s not even a barcode..”
“…”
“No, I’m just like that… By any chance, this wasn’t because of me..?”
“Ugh… That’s not it…”
I was stretching my legs, and Yoo Seon squatted in front of me and applied medicine to my calf.
A turtle-shaped bunker in the playground. This is a hideout for just the two of us!
Here, Yoo Seon-i packed some toys that he didn’t use at the nursery school, and there’s ointment and bandages for wounds- and there’s also bulgogi-flavored ramen land..!
So when I went inside the turtle bunker, I felt at ease as if I was at home. Because… It’s full of my favorite things- and there’s Yoo Seon..!
“…Dad…”
“..Uh..? It hurts..? I’m sorry… But I can’t help it… I have to apply it like this so the wound doesn’t open…”
“…Brother…”
“…? Brother? Why am I your brother?”
-Hee hee…
When I saw Yoo Seon-i with a puzzled expression, I burst into laughter.
I just… I hope this moment in the turtle bunker will last forever.
Every day… I am always ignored, beaten, and bullied by my mom and dad… I liked that Yoo Sun treated me without prejudice.
He protects me from bad friends and always buys me delicious things. Applying medicine and taking me to fun places is definitely… Like a father.
…Because I’m too young to be called a father- Oppa.
From noble mtl dot com
I don’t think there’s much of a difference between a father and an older brother, as they both have roles to protect and take care of the women in the family.
I like Yoo Seon because he is mature and kind.
I always get ignored when I go home, always get beaten up for trivial reasons, and I get scolded, but Yoo Seon-i always answers kindly even when I ask about things I don’t know, and if there’s something I’m not good at, he’s always there to help me do it.
“…It doesn’t hurt anymore!”
She was hit by her mother, and her calf oozes out. So I can’t go to school.
If you’re going to do it this way, beat me up! It doesn’t matter if a lot of textbooks are torn while shouting, A few days and a few days. It doesn’t matter if you don’t cook at home.
She’s afraid of being noticed by her mom, so it’s okay to lock herself in her room to avoid running into her mom.
Mom and Dad fought and the bowl was broken and smashed. I’m fine too… It doesn’t hurt. I’m not afraid. Not scary. I don’t have to tremble anymore.
Because Yoo Seon taught me how to play with air.
Hiding in the closet and playing with air all day- Also… I can spend the day fantasizing under the bed while recalling the story Yoo Seon-i told me in the past-
What should I do tomorrow.. And what should I do the day after tomorrow?
“Okay! Let’s go out and play this time! Today, let’s go to the library, read books, and go to a snack bar to eat something delicious!”
“Wow- great! Galle!”
I already feel better when I hear that Seon Yoo will buy me something delicious!
Tteokbokki..? Or should I eat ramen? What do you read together? Magic Thousand Character Text is fun, treasure hunting is fun, and walking into the world is fun…!
“Ouch!”
I tried to get out of the turtle bunker following Yoo Seon, but my legs wouldn’t listen. She’s also put on medication… But she needs to move..!
“Jinah! Come out quickly!”
“…Yes..! Okay.. I’m going..! Wait…!!”
My legs couldn’t move as I wanted, perhaps because I had a mouse.
“Yoo Seon-ah, wait! I think I’ve got a rat…!”
“… Suck… Me… Wow…! I’m bored!”
For some reason, Yu Seon’s voice started to fade away…!
Usually, Yoo Seon always waited for me until I went outside… But Yoo Seon’s voice started to fade away…
I still can’t move my legs… Even if I try to get out of the bunker by crawling on the ground…
…Originally… Was the exit narrow like this…?
The entrance and exit of the bunker, which seemed like an adult could go in, became so narrow that even my head could barely get through.
The sunlight coming into the bunker gradually started to disappear, and the sticky, pitch-black darkness started eating away at the bunker where I was.
The first-aid kit that Seon Yoo brought for me, and the instant noodles I brought to eat together. And funny comic books… Toys. One by one they disappear into the darkness… Everything just crumbles without a shape…
“…Seonah Yoo… Yoosunah! I’m scared!! I’m so scared..! Save me..! I’m scared, I’m scared…!!!”
I try to call Yoo Seon because my throat is exploding, but I don’t think Yoo Seon can hear my voice…
I can’t do that… I have to meet Yoo Seon-i soon… Otherwise, I’ll be left alone in this darkness for the rest of my life…
… I don’t… I don’t… I don’t like that…!”
“…Please… Please don’t leave me…”