Chapter 42 – An Angel’s First Love Diary_Amta
I didn’t have the courage to stab his heart. It seemed as if the memories that had pierced the elder’s ribs last night would come back to life through his fingertips at any moment. He didn’t know much about blood vessels, but he knew where the pulse beat. And he was also vaguely aware that if he were to be stabbed here, he would die, albeit somewhat horribly.
“It’s okay…” It hurts only for a moment…. It was the same in my past life….”
Contrary to the words he spoke in a calm manner, his hands were shaking.
Die… ?
Really….?
Why… ? Why… ? Also? Like this?
“Huh…… “
The tip of the blade touches the skin. My breathing began to become increasingly rough as the blade was colder than the midwinter frost that settled on the window sill.
I only pricked it, barely a drop of blood, and before I knew it, a moan came out of my mouth.
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In my past life, when I wasn’t even sure there would be a next life, I threw myself a little more aggressively. But this time, I didn’t even have that kind of courage. There is no guarantee that there will be a next life. Even if she is reborn, ‘Freyja’ will die here. Even now that I remember my past life, my past life self had a minimal presence. Even if you push the blade a little further, Freyja will die here. The character Freya dies. Even if the soul gains a new body, there is no next time for Freya. That persistent and tenacious fact was the only thing that clung to my thoughts and I didn’t even think about letting go.
“Huh… eww… right… eww… “
Wouldn’t it be a bad idea to just give up everything and go back to the village?
Toys. It’s okay to live as an ornament or totem. All you have to do is wear a necklace around your neck and live in the attic. Brisingamen. Wearing it can erase the power of fascination. If you can become ugly, it wouldn’t be impossible to mix in with others and live an uncomfortable life.
It gets ugly… ? It would be better if I just made a mess of my face like this… ? If I could make my appearance ugly, maybe it would be a little better… ?
No. Damaging the appearance only diminishes the power of fascination. There is no way my grandmother and other elders would tolerate something like that. Freya knew that life in the future would only become more difficult.
“Ha… ha… Ugh… ! Ah… It hurts…… “
I strengthened my grip.
As the blood cooled throughout my body due to the vivid sensation of my skin burning, tears began to well up in my eyes.
I hate being sick more than dying.
They say you just have to endure it for a little while, but that momentary pain is so, so scary.
Just the dizzying and chilling thought of the skin opening, cutting through the thin fat and tense muscles, and cutting out the clear carotid artery beating at the edge, made my heart tremble.
… No, that was a lame excuse. Actually, I hate being sick and I hate dying.
I suppress the urge to just sit down and cry.
I don’t even notice the presence of people coming up behind me.
Freya could do nothing until someone covered her mouth.
“Hmm… !”
“Shhh….”
First of all, a sweet soapy scent. Next, the smell of leather tied around the wrist is clear.
Although Freya was startled and resisted, she belatedly realized that she was holding a blade in her hand and ended up shrinking. An unfamiliar warmth passed through my wrist as it fluttered awkwardly.
Afterwards, a young man’s voice rang in my ears.
“Are you Freya?”
First of all, I was suspicious of the pursuers sent by my clan, but their tone was strangely unfamiliar.
There was no trace of violence in the hand that held Freya.
“….. Eup! Ugh!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was blocking it because I thought it would sting me if I startled it. Rest assured. “Because I am not your enemy.”
“… ….. hahahaha, hahahaha… ! Cough! “Cough!”
After barely being able to breathe, Freya collapsed into her seat, gasping for breath. When I looked around in fear, wondering if I had coughed too loudly, the young man in front of me just chuckled.
“The gods who were chasing you have been properly disposed of.”
The black hair that has grown uncontrollably flows down in a shaggy manner. Drooped shoulders and awkward center of gravity. Relaxed and leisurely eyes draw a thin line.
Even with Freyja’s power, there was such a light and airy atmosphere that I thought if I touched it, it would collapse. The half-unbuttoned suit did not look like he had put it on of his own volition. Another funny part was that there were no wrinkles, as if someone had ironed it.
If you were looking for a man who is the furthest from the word ‘neat,’ you would probably be hard to find. But rather, that part gave Freya peace of mind.
“You’re Freya, right?”
“………… “
“Hmm… is not it. I said that Crescent Moon would be able to recognize him at a glance just by looking at his appearance… “
When there was no answer, he smiled bitterly as if he thought he was denying it.
“I’m sorry. “I guess I was mistaken.”
“Wait a minute!”
The reason was unknown. Perhaps he should have been more wary of the young man in front of him than the Vanir gods who had been chasing him until now.
“Yes, that’s right! I’m Frey, right… Ah!”
Nevertheless, without realizing it, Freya held his hand and spoke desperately.
The trembling pain in my legs, the tingling of sweat on the back of my neck where I had been cut by a knife, and my anxiety about what will happen in the future are all mixed together.
The young man looked at Freya with a strange expression and then sighed in relief.
“… Phew, I thought my aesthetic sense had been ruined because I spent so much time in the snowy fields. Is it really you? Well, too. “Undine, that guy was such a saint that I thought my eyes were wrong.”
Then he suddenly asked this.
“You mean. “Are you interested in becoming blood relatives?”
Freya froze at the mention of blood relatives.
It’s a land mine. Could it be that I stepped on a landmine?
Whether he knows that feeling or not, he continues calmly.
“I need you. “To be exact, it is your power.”
“My strength… ? The power of fascination… ?”
“… Was that too direct? … Still, it is true that that ability is needed. The Magic Tower needs your power of charm. This time, instead of buying and selling Brisingamen, we will scout you directly. “When I heard that you ran away, I came here to meet you.”
“……… ….”
“The introduction is late. My name is Eugene Seo Neferna. Not long ago, I was a warrior… I did something, but… Because I’ve quit now…… How should I introduce myself… Roughly blood relatives?”
“Hero… ? Consanguinity… ?”
“I’ll explain later. Just follow along and try it out, and if it’s not fun, get rid of it. How is it? No matter what the process is, I’m taking it with me…… “
He immediately stretched out his hand to Freya, who was hesitant.
Rather than being embarrassed, I felt strange and warm.
Blood relatives, magic towers, such trivial things have long since been erased from my mind.
How long has it been since someone held out a hand?
When I remembered the warmth that surrounded my mouth and wrist, I felt like crying without realizing it.
He, Eugene, definitely said that.
“I will take responsibility for you. Come with me.”
***
When did you start referring to yourself as a ‘man’?
Life as ‘Freyja’ was extremely boring. I was not given a chance to meet someone, have a deep conversation with someone, or share my feelings with someone.
People are people. Their gazes were separated by jealousy and lust, and they were not given the opportunity to face their true feelings. Just an organism with a different intelligence than me. A simple individual. And others. For Freya, understanding someone regardless of gender meant nothing more than that.
My past life was clear, so it didn’t matter much. From the moment I remembered my past life, things like gender and values that I had given myself lost their meaning.
Whether you are a man, a woman, or something else, it is no longer a topic of great interest.
Nevertheless, Freya has insisted on remembering her past life, where not even her name, nor even any memorable things, have faded.
The reason I chanted ‘Man’ while being hung up on the memories of my past life may have been to implicitly erase the ‘Freya’ of the past.
You must have thought that you would never have to worry about such extravagant emotions and happiness, such as being liked by someone or having someone in your heart.
‘…… What?’
Freya could not understand why this memory suddenly came to mind.
He must have been sitting in the stands watching the students play. He even understood that someone had saved him when blood relatives suddenly appeared and were about to kidnap Freya.
A blood relative wearing a mask. He took Brisingamen without warning.
The moment the necklace fell off, the powerful power of fascination that had been condensed and unable to be contained took over the surroundings, and one by one, people began to dissolve into hallucinations and auditory hallucinations like people on drugs.
When I suddenly came to my senses, there was a new Brisingamen hanging around my neck. It was probably worn by a masked blood relative.
A blood relative wearing a mask. Name is… What did they say… ?
I remember asking, but it seemed like I couldn’t remember it deeply.
That’s why Freya couldn’t understand why the memories of that day came back to her.
“……….”
…… No, that’s a lie.
There was no way I could forget.
Not being able to remember the name,
You asked a stupid question,
I haven’t been able to say anything since the gods appeared,
It was because he was preoccupied with other thoughts.
I was a little surprised that he appeared wearing a mask, but I could tell the moment he covered his mouth with his hand.
He always uses the same soap.
It is not his own stubbornness. As always, Undine provides soap and other daily necessities.
Even at that time, it was probably just the scent of the soap that Undine had already given him. Undine’s determination to match her body scent in any way was remarkable, but in fact, no matter what soap she used, she always smelled like a refreshing snow breeze.
The sweet yet subtle scent of soap was always Eugene’s responsibility.
Freya knew that body odor, that familiar scent all too well.
Knock knock.
Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder. I was startled and turned around to see two melons bouncing around, and Aegis smiled in a soft voice.
“Professor Freya. “Are you okay~?”
“… Yes? Ah! Yes yes!”
I was so embarrassed that I answered hastily in a crooked voice. But Aegis didn’t care at all and spoke naturally as he placed his palm on his cheek.
“What should I do…” It looks like the captured Vanir gods have escaped. The police officers are also very careless. But don’t worry. “If I had any intention, I wouldn’t come back here again.”
“Is that so…?” ? It can’t be helped. It must be an elite sent by the clan. If you decide to run away…… “
Freya trailed off.
Suddenly, there was a passing memory.
What I was muttering in a daze was just my unconsciousness that I wasn’t even aware of.
“…… Are you going to save me again? ?”
It was only after speaking that I realized something was wrong. Aegis, who was looking at Freyja who had stiffened, tilted his head.
“…… Professor Freya?”
“… I’m a little unwell….”
“Aha, I’ll take a look. Just wait…… Count… uh… ? What? Professor Freya? Where are you going?!”
“S-sorry! I! Now… ! “I have urgent business!”
I couldn’t bear to raise my head.
At least I couldn’t show my expression.
Why?
Getting help from him was common even until now.
I casually took his outstretched hand.
When carrying a heavy load, catching a nasty bug, consulting on concerns that arise while sorting out memories of your past life, thinking about the treatment of a delinquent student, passing on a lot of food, etc. There were so many things that happened that it would be meaningless to list them all one by one.
Even when we first met. And until the masked man protected him.
‘What should I do…? ?’
Thump, thump, my heart is racing. My lips were trembling due to a heartbeat that was clearly different from before and was difficult to explain just by running.
My running legs feel extremely light. My face got so hot it felt like it was going to explode. Weightless laughter and faint moans were intertwined in the breath that leaked out, and the sound continued to leak out like a broken radio.
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The emotions that had swelled to the limit were so intense that they felt like they would explode. I couldn’t fathom the throbbing emotions that made me want to drown in a puddle of water whenever I could find a place to hide, but felt like I had to scream loudly into the sky right now to calm my mind.
Is it shame, embarrassment, elation, happiness, or everything? I soon realized that it was meaningless to put a label on each of the emotions that were bouncing around.
‘It’s true…’ ?’
It would not have been just today that we were saved from danger. Perhaps it is meaningless to weigh things like this.
This is not just about today. Today was just the final trigger.
What was the exact reason? Are you sure at what point? Why now? The beginning may go a little further back in time. 1 Year? 2 Years? From the past? Maybe the first time I met him, when he held out his hand on the wild green grass, was the first time. Ah, then what were the words that men and other things have been throwing around until now? Are you stupid? You’re stupid. There is probably no other idiot in the world who digs his grave so cleanly. How was it possible to turn back time? If you turn the hour hand back a few turns, you can fix it, right?
Facts that were difficult to answer right now were jumbled together and echoed in my head.
I just collapsed in my seat. As I buried my face in her knees, a warm feeling spread down my legs.
Freya barely managed to mumble like that, as if she was trying to squeeze out her thin voice.
This one thing was certain.
“What should I do…” I guess I’m crazy…….”