133 – Ellie’s Calculations
I caught my breath. Because of that, Ellie’s sweet strawberry scent filled her lungs.
Despite my indomitable courage, I felt a strange pain in the chest, as if I had been kicked.
I’m sure I heard you correctly, and I know what you meant, but… It was very little information. I asked for confirmation once again.
“What do you mean?”
At my question, Ellie raised only one corner of her mouth. She gave her first time to Roel, not to her, she gave it to me. It was a very calm expression for someone who said such a thing.
Ellie looked at her blankly and said clearly.
“I will give you my first. Not Roel, Ross. For you.”
I frowned. Grinding my molars, I glared at Ellie. Strange.
Ellie was exactly what I had in my head, but the current Ellie was too unfamiliar to me. Even with her eyes right in front of her eyes, I couldn’t quite understand her.
Unlike others, Roel’s bed had two pillows. Even when I used the dormitory, there was only one pillow I used.
The sweet strawberry scent from Roel’s body was also a scent I could smell from Ellie now. The fact that the bed sheets were peeled off reminded me of the night with Luna, and I thought that Roel and Ellie were intermingling.
But Ellie said my guess was wrong. She says she has never been physically in love. It was more convincing that Ellie lied to me than that it was all a coincidence.
Her tone became harsh at the thought that Ellie was trying to fool me again.
“You are lying. I met Roel yesterday, and she smelled the strawberry scent you feel now. There were two pillows on Roel’s bed with the sheets peeled off.”
Ellie looked at me without saying anything. No, it even seemed to smile at my doubts.
Thanks to my indomitable courage, I didn’t get excited, but I poured out my words.
“Did you want to do a test? Were you curious about whether I, who loves Luna, would snap at your proposal?”
Ellie blinked her eyes wide. Without flinching at my questioning, with her eyes fixed on me. She smiled at her dimples.
“If it’s not a lie?”
I bit my lip. My heart beat loudly, as if screaming. Is this anger that I almost fell for a trick, or is it a bit of anticipation?
Even the emotions I felt were hidden behind indomitable courage, so I couldn’t figure it out.
I wanted to know the truth. She couldn’t hide that her desire to understand her was intense. I wanted to control this unfamiliar situation, and I wanted to solve it.
I sighed and spoke as if I was pleading on purpose.
“I told you that if you give me an arm pillow, I will answer questions sincerely. So, answer me. Did I really misunderstand you?”
Ellie came close to me. They were so close that they could now see each other’s faces in their eyes. The scent of strawberries at the tip of my nose felt even stronger.
“It’s the same as now. It’s true that I was lying with Roel oppa like this. That’s why there were two pillows on Roel’s bed. But I didn’t have a relationship. In the first place, it’s not someone else, it’s Roel’s brother. Do you think you’ll recklessly heat up and mix your bodies in a dormitory with other people just because you’re in a relationship?”
“That….”
I knew. In the novel, it was after Roel was in her senior year that he had a physical relationship with Eli. But I couldn’t recall it naturally. Because the Ellie now was not the Ellie I knew.
“And what am I going to tell a lie that can be verified right away?”
I have nothing to refute. I was interpreting the situation emotionally. But my questions are not over yet.
“… Then why did you kiss me?”
Ellie’s voice when answering my question was a calm voice that didn’t show any cute accent or emotion.
“That day, I’ve been thinking about you ever since you gave Roel a chance to confess her true feelings. I’m leaning on the relief that Ross is by my side from now on. Of course I thought it was mine, and I forgot your precious for a while. I wanted to express my gratitude to you who have always been by my side, even belatedly, and I wanted to be forgiven. So you kissed With what kind of heart I kissed, I won’t forget now and will remember forever.”
Suffocating is the right expression. I’m sure I’m breathing, but I feel like something is blocking my throat and I’m choking. Is it the sweet scent of strawberries, or is it the feeling that the blade has become blunt and can no longer hurt me.
Water formed in Eli’s obsidian-like eyes. I wasn’t shaken by it, but I couldn’t help but evaluate it as beautiful. Because it was a beauty that anyone but me could only appreciate.
“But Ellie. We’re already done I love Luna, and you love Roel. We are… We are just friends now.”
Ellie raised her hand. I couldn’t resist the hand that stroked my cheek. Her sad smile made me freeze.
“I know. But that’s why I had to kiss more. I don’t consider you a friend anymore. I like you, Ross.”
“… You say you like me?”
It was something I never thought possible. I’m an inferior younger brother who seems to have gathered all of Roel’s shortcomings. Except for me, the person who knows it best would be Ellie in this world.
But she says she likes me. I couldn’t understand it, so I had to ask.
“Then why did you and your brother become lovers?”
Doesn’t that make sense? To say that you like me, that you truly love Roel…. That is nonsense.
Ellie gave her a small sigh and she said.
“Because I love Roel.”
I could see through Ellie’s eyes that I was frowning. He is aware of his fluctuating emotions, but thanks to his indomitable courage, he is not affected. Rather, I calmly think about Ellie’s words again.
Did I miss something? I don’t know. It could be that he lost track of the conversation because he was distracted for a moment in the middle. Or maybe this situation itself is a hallucination or a dream.
I desperately organized my thoughts. I tried to understand Ellie’s words somehow, but it was impossible in my head.
“… I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Do you want to do a harem like Roel?”
At my question, Ellie shook her head slightly. Ellie removed her hand from touching her cheek and began to speak slowly.
“I was worried at first. Should I give up Roel’s brother and go out with you? . But like I said, I love Roel. It’s not something you can give up on your own. It’s like an unavoidable fate.”
Ellie said fate, but I know another name for it. Setting. The reason I love Roel and Ellie is because I set them up that way.
“But, funny enough, I wanted you. Because you were by my side from before, and you were such a precious friend. You were always in my happy memories. So I kept thinking. Is there a way for everyone…. I found the answer after a long thought. A way to make everyone happy. So I fell in love with Roel and kissed you….”
Suddenly, Ellie’s setting came to mind. Genius, quick-witted and stubborn. She doesn’t have the ability to find out the truth like Bella, but she was an Ellie who had a knack for reading someone’s mind or expression.
Just as I understood Ellie, Eli understood me as a person.
She was a stupid person who liked her older brother who felt inferior. Until the end, she couldn’t blame herself for using her emotions and was the one who connected the two with lies. By the way she’s a friend she’s the one holding onto a relationship that should have already been broken off.
That person was me.
“You know it well. How nice Roel oppa is. Obviously if I’m not a virgin, she won’t mind. So I thought of giving you my first one. You can relieve old feelings of inferiority by having my first time as your brother’s lover, and I can give you my heart…. This is what i calculated A way for everyone to be happy without getting sick.”
Ellie is calculated. Just like a magician calculating her spell, she calculated the personalities of Roel and I that she understood and came up with a plan that would benefit everyone.
With Roel, her beloved, a way to repay the person who loved her, a mass of inferiority complex.
That’s what I’ve been wondering about Ellie, and it’s the answer.
As Ellie said, Roel wouldn’t be interested in her even if she wasn’t a virgin. In the first place, Roel already had physical relationships with several women. I don’t even know if I deserve it.
However, that didn’t mean I could agree with Ellie’s words.
Because her calculations are wrong.
I have already been able to learn about this from Luna. I’m not calculating with Luna. I don’t know Luna’s inner thoughts, but Luna also shows me her true feelings.
Love does not require calculation. Just because the other person won’t be offended is not a reason to do so.
Just like when one day when Lawton told me to drop out on the condition that she heal her Luna, she didn’t hesitate to get down on her knees. Love is the action of the heart, not the head.
So her calculations must be wrong. I love Luna, not Ellie.
What happened in the club room where it was just the two of you could be a secret that no one knows about, but I couldn’t add one more secret that I couldn’t tell Luna.
“Wrong Ellie. I love luna So even if it becomes our secret, I can’t have your first time. I’m not going to betray her brother.”
My eyes were tangled.
Yes, it was a wrong relationship from the beginning. They used to use each other’s feelings. To remain friends was greed after all.
“I know what you mean by liking me. I know enough about your heart for me.”
I found the answer. So, it was time to draw conclusions.
“So, let’s break up now. We’re in a f*cking relationship where we can’t even be friends anymore.”
Listening to my words, Ellie closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them. A single tear fell from his obsidian eyes. Why did Ellie say this?
“I’m sorry, and thank you as always. Loss.”
I don’t know if my indomitable courage ended because I found the answer, or if my feelings overcame my indomitable courage.
However, I answered this with complete sincerity.
“I want you to be happy, I mean it.”
We didn’t deserve to love each other. There could never be a happy ending.
So we had to wish each other happiness.
Knowing that, we finally looked at each other and smiled.
Ok, Its already fixed the my most hated character in this novel is ellie