15 – Who Found Whom (8)
1.
The words ‘You can do anything.’ and ‘There won’t be consequences.’ might sound like ‘You can do anything, it’s okay.’ But the underlying meaning was completely different from what was apparent.
If she had just said, ‘If you want to do anything to me, go ahead. There won’t be consequences,’ interpreting it as ‘You can do anything, it’s okay’ wouldn’t pose a significant problem.
However, what’s crucial is that before Haan spoke those words, he uttered a few more sentences.
To say that he doesn’t trust me and that in his life, he is alone, and then bring up those words clearly implies some hidden intention.
Perhaps Haan’s hidden intention was going to have a fatally decisive effect on me.
The history I heard about Haan was truly dreadful, dangerous, and so harsh that it wouldn’t even allow a sigh of relief.
Someone who had endured such a desperate life for several years wouldn’t simply say that anything goes to a person they just met today.
Probably, interpreting the words “anything goes” and “there will be no consequences” in a one-dimensional way, he was attempting to reveal his hidden desires, which would lead to immediate consequences.
As evidence, the gaze that could only be seen in the underworld where eyes speak louder than law or fists, and fists closer than knives, was now flickering in Haan’s eyes.
Of course, I wouldn’t be the one immediately dealt with, but at least Haan himself was determined to handle me.
The correct response here would probably be, ‘Well, what can you do? It’s late, and you must be tired. Go in and get some rest.’ But openly provoking a fight like this hasn’t happened in a very long time.
Even when I was in a prison full of nothing but criminals, such incidents were rare. Not a gangster, not an idol trainee (or not), coming to pick a fight.
No longer a gangster, and with no pride to protect, there was no reason to avoid a fight when the opponent was the person who came to pick it, especially when that person was so important to me.
So, I confidently stepped into the web that Haan had openly spread.
“You said ‘anything goes,’ right?”
“Yes.”
In Haan’s response, there was a moment where a slight resignation, a moderate amount of anger, and extreme enmity briefly vanished from his face.
The feeling of thrusting my face into a wide-open tiger’s mouth, and going further would undoubtedly lead to a bloodbath.
Yet, knowing well that I could die, I boldly thrust my head into Haan’s fight.
“Haan. Since you said anything goes, I’ll really do anything.”
“…”
This time, because Han Han didn’t respond, I couldn’t see well with him sitting next to me and holding something in his right hand.
I’m not sure what he’s holding, but a dangerous smell started to fill the air, and because of that, my heart started pounding after a long time.
At this moment, when we are only watching each other’s actions.
“Well then, Han Han.”
I was the one who spoke first.
At the same time, a clear force entered Han Han’s thin but firm forearm.
It was clear that Han Han was considering how to deal with me using whatever he was holding in his hand, as I expressed my vile desire.
Thankfully, he realized it was a trap from the beginning. If someone who harbored resentment toward Han Han was in this situation, they would have fallen for it without knowing what hit them.
The moment I moved, I knew that Han Han would do something to me, and I knew that whatever it was, it was dangerous.
However, I just confidently and nonchalantly smiled at Han Han, as if nothing had happened, and opened my mouth.
“Please become an idol.”
“!?······?”
The moment I spoke, Han Han’s whole body twitched! and her pupils became round to the point where I had never seen them before.
To Han Han, who was genuinely confused and couldn’t even return to her usual expression, I continued speaking.
“Please. Please become my assigned idol. Okay?”
“······.”
“Oh, please! I’m begging you! If it’s not Han Han, it won’t do! Ahhh!! Please! Please do it! You said you would do anything! You said there’s no need for a guardian’s consent! And if there’s no one to tackle you even if you do everything alone! So please do it! Please! Sign the contract!”
Just like when I first met Han Han, still stubborn and pathetic.
But of course, the expected response was rejection.
“No…I don’t want to.”
“Ah.”
In the voice filled with disappointment, hahahahan finally broke her expressionless facade.
And for the first time, she began to talk about why she couldn’t become an idol.
“‘Ah,’ and whatever. I don’t like it. No, even if I don’t dislike it, I can’t do it. Things like being an idol.”
“Why, why is that?”
“Because my life is despair.”
I couldn’t refute hahahahan’s answer. I couldn’t deny that her life was indeed desperate.
But I didn’t stop asking her.
“Even so, being desperate in life doesn’t justify not becoming an idol.”
Refusing to be an idol because you don’t like it is understandable. But not being able to be an idol was something I couldn’t comprehend.
No matter how her life had been so far.
What mattered was the present me and the future I had to strive for.
I painfully realized this through my gangster days and seven years of prison life.
Regret is nothing more than regret, and those who live only for today are bound to fall soon.
That’s why I couldn’t just stand by and watch hahahahan, who lived for today with resignation, and easily asked a stranger to accommodate her.
If the future idol-to-be is about to tread the wrong path, it’s the manager’s role to steer them in the right direction.
However, just as I was about to impart that realization, hahahahan’s words flew out like shattered glass.
“But, Manager-nim, idols are a profession meant to make people happy, and I’m not happy. How can I make others happy when I’m not happy myself?”
I blanked out all the words I had intended to say.
“Well, now that I’ve answered properly, please don’t ask me to become an idol anymore.”
With those words, Haan stood up without a farewell and walked down the corridor with rooms, not even wishing me a good night.
As I watched Haan’s receding figure, I couldn’t find any words to say.
※※※
So the night passed, and morning dawned.
However, I couldn’t be as bright as the morning at all.
“To say I can’t be an idol because I’m not happy. If you hear such words, you can’t even dream of being an idol.”
Haan’s response from last night was truly a conclusion.
One who couldn’t make oneself happy couldn’t possibly make others happy.
“But Haan’s face is so beautiful that just looking at it could make people happy. So, isn’t Haan making people happy just by standing still?”
What nonsense am I babbling now?
I involuntarily muttered nonsense that I didn’t even realize because I couldn’t give up on Haan.
If I were alone in this house, it wouldn’t matter, but I wasn’t alone now, so I had to refrain from talking nonsense.
“But you heard it, right? Haan’s room is at the end of the corridor, and it wasn’t even that loud.”
“I heard.”
“Oh, good morning.”
As if proving to herself that she wasn’t a noble, Haan responded to my murmuring and walked out, her steps brisk. Bright ears. Ears so bright. Even singing on stage, you could probably hear the fans dying for her.
Despite laying out the decisive reason why Haan couldn’t be an idol, I was still searching for her idol talent.
Of course, Haan, without caring whether I thought so or not, opened the refrigerator in her pajamas and drank cold water straight from the bottle.
Not just anyone could do it unless they were tough, drinking an entire bottle of mineral water at once.
I couldn’t help feeling flustered, even though I drank with my mouth closed.
Just yesterday, it wasn’t this comfortable – of course, my expression was still expressionless – but there was definitely no hesitation. Even though there was no hesitation, why did the guard drop today? Why don’t I feel guarded today?
In addition to that, there was one more thing that made me curious about Haan.
But yesterday, it definitely felt like he was going out in the early morning. Why does he keep staying here?
With these two unavoidable questions, I cautiously asked Haan, who was putting the water in the refrigerator after drinking it.
“Um… Haan? I don’t really mean anything else, I’m just curious.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you go out?”
“…”
Instead of answering my question, Haan furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me without saying a word.
Then, as if surprised, he laughed emptily and asked me in a chilling voice.
“Are you uncomfortable?”