39 – My Confession
I am not Yuna.
It must have been an important confession, but I stupidly opened my mouth without understanding its meaning. Yuna confessed again in front of me.
“I am not Yuna.”
“Yuna…”
“Don’t call me that way!”
The fingers holding onto the edge of the clothes trembled. The sincerity that had been conveyed with all my strength felt like it would penetrate the skin. Even the pain was now palpable.
“I am not Yuna. Got it? I’m not that perfect noble lady you know. So, don’t call me that way. Please, don’t call me…”
“…”
“Don’t call me Yuna…”
Unfamiliar stories continued to flow, stories I couldn’t comprehend. Not a single word registered in my mind, yet there was one thing I could understand. Yuna wasn’t lying or speaking nonsense. In the sincerity without a hint of doubt, I found myself in confusion.
“…Fine.”
Lost in such futile anguish, I cautiously opened my mouth. Towards Yuna. No, towards her, I carefully asked.
“Who are you exactly…?”
“…”
She couldn’t answer. It seemed she had no energy or intention to do so. For a brief moment, my clothing brushed against her palm, and a faint pain was felt.
And in the next moment, she pushed me away and ran outside the library.
I futilely stared at her retreating figure, and suddenly brought my hand to my shoulder. Similar incidents had happened before, but today, the pushed area was particularly painful. It made me doubt if there was a bruise on my insignificant body.
In the midst of this, I continued to echo her words. She insisted she wasn’t Yuna. However, no matter how much I pondered and reconsidered, I couldn’t have a realization as magical as she claimed. In the end, I gave up and lifted my head.
Am I too foolish?
Or is it because this world is too complicated?
After leaving the library, I walked for a long time. The rumbling sound in my stomach echoed, not just a simple hunger, but a greater sense of emptiness. I continued to contemplate Yuna’s words even though I knew I wouldn’t find any answers.
Nothing happened.
The words that I, too, targeted her.
And that she wasn’t Yuna.
Why did Yuna change so much that day?
No.
What happened during that short monsoon season that cornered her like that?
Perhaps I should have noticed back then. On that day when she walked to my dorm without realizing it, during that short rainy season. Her face was locked towards a deep shadow. If only I had reached out more. If only I had held onto her a little longer, what would have happened?
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And Yuna… Why did she think I approached her with intentions toward her body?
Besides that, there were many things to be concerned about. Many assignments that couldn’t be ignored.
But that one word felt unusually painful.
Thud.
“…Oops.”
Suddenly, someone’s head bumped against my chest. Perhaps I was too lost in my thoughts and didn’t look ahead properly. I lowered my gaze, murmuring an apology.
“…”
And then, with wide-open eyes, I met the gaze of Iriya, who was staring at me.
Surprised by the unexpected encounter, I, too, paused for a moment. However, I didn’t feel particularly eager to express joy. Therefore, I opened my mouth somewhat somberly.
“Oh… It’s you. Sorry. I was busy thinking and didn’t see where I was going.”
…?
Iriya looked at me, raised her fist, and slightly raised her eyebrows. It seemed like she was asking what I was thinking.
“Well, it’s just… various thoughts. Nothing important.”
…
With a curt response, she squinted her eyes at me. But soon, she shrugged and suddenly grabbed my hand. Then, she led me towards somewhere.
“Sorry, Iriya. I’m not in the mood for this right now.”
…
However, Iriya stubbornly held onto my hand and pulled me along. I had no choice but to follow her. Walking briskly, Iriya stopped in a corridor on the first floor of the classroom building and pointed to the wall. There, a familiar white paper was visible.
“Why is this?”
“…!”
When I asked, she vigorously stepped forward and pointed to the top of the paper. I slowly raised my gaze to look at the tip of her finger.
Results of the 2nd midterm exam in the 1st semester of 931.
…
…
3rd place. Ilya Baranov.
“Ah…”
The moment I found that name, I laughed disappointedly. Ilya looked at me with a triumphant expression and tapped her chest. Perhaps she wanted to brag. Maybe she experienced something similar to Gero as well.
“Yeah. Congratulations. Being 3rd is impressive.”
“…!”
“Haven’t seen you in a few days. Were you quietly studying? Seems like you worked hard.”
“…!!”
Ilya nodded passionately and gave me a playful wink. Then, suddenly, she pointed towards me with her finger. The meaning behind that gesture was clear.
‘And you?’
“What have I been up to lately?”
‘Yeah.’
“I…”
Her question naturally brought back memories of the past. However, as the lantern of memory approached its end, my words got stuck, and my throat closed. Unable to answer for a while, Ilya tilted her head and gestured.
‘s*x. Did you have it?’
“…”
‘The atmosphere seemed nice.’
“hahahaha…”
As always, I threw a twisted question at Iriya, and as usual, I tried to brush it off with laughter. But unfortunately, only a sigh-like empty wind came out. I ended up making an ambiguous expression and threw a question to change the subject.
“By the way, Iriya. There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask for a while.”
“…?”
“Why are you so obsessed with human intimacy? What was the reason you wanted to see it so badly?”
“…”
This time, Iriya’s hand stopped. But she didn’t stay silent like me. She fidgeted with her small hand and soon sent a simple sign language.
“Love. I was curious.”
“Love?”
“Yeah. Humans. They engage in intimacy because they love each other.”
“But elves don’t?”
In response to my question, Iriya raised her head indifferently. As I found myself once again sitting at the table of inter-species exchange, I answered a little flustered.
“So that’s why you wanted to see it. Even looked it up in books.”
“Yeah.”
“But we’re still students. So it won’t be easy for us to see such things, Iriya.”
“I saw students doing it last time.”
“You saw it last time?”
“But they didn’t have love.”
“That… What does it mean?”
‘Without love. Just craving bodies. The man hit the woman. The woman endured the tears.’
Iriya conveyed the shocking content with an indifferent gesture. Whose story could it be? I briefly considered asking, but at the moment, I had no capacity to hear about someone else’s misery. Meanwhile, Yuna sent a self-pitying gesture.
‘But I don’t understand. It could be human love. So, Elan.’
“Yeah.”
‘Do you love Yuna?’
“…”
It was a difficult question to answer. So, I repeated the response I had given to Yuna.
“Yeah. I like her.”
‘Like her?’
“Yeah. I really like her.”
‘Like Gero?’
“That’s… different.”
‘What’s different?’
Yuna’s question pierced through the center of my chest. I looked at her as if a knife were stuck in my throat for a moment. But deliberating was not a look that suited me, no matter how much I thought about it. So, I started speaking whatever came to mind.
“Well, Gero is, you know. Sometimes I wish he’d be a bit unhappy.”
“…?”
Upon my response, Iriya furrowed her brows and tilted her head. Seeing her like that, I couldn’t help but let out a wry smile.
“He’s a good guy, but sometimes he can be annoying. So, really occasionally, I want to see him in pain. Maybe I should wish someone would hit him or something.”
“…”
“But… Yuna is a little different. She’s still a precious friend, and we play pranks on each other, but I’ve never once had such thoughts about Yuna. I’ve never even thought it would be fun if Yuna was unhappy, even as a joke.”
“…”
“I just want Yuna to be happy every moment. And I want her to be even happier when she’s with me. I hope she never furrows her brow, never feels down, and always smiles.”
“…”
“It’s really hard to express this in one word…”
In that moment, a single word lingered beneath my tongue. It kept melting in my mouth like a small piece of candy hidden there. But since I didn’t have the courage to say that word, I organized my feelings with ambiguous words.
“Anyway. This is how I feel.”
However, Iriya was not satisfied with such words. As she listened, she slowly moved her hand and asked.
“So… is that human love?”
In the end, that was what mattered. What Iriya was curious about. And what I was curious about. And what Yuna was curious about. Do I truly love her?
Or was I just like that man Iriya mentioned, only interested in the other person’s face and body?
As I thought about it, the answer was about to burst out. But in that moment, Iriya pressed her finger to her lips. Then she smirked and extended her hand.
“Don’t answer. Not yet.”
“Why? Wasn’t that what you wanted to hear?”
“You should tell her. Before me. About yourself.”
Iriya said that, squinting her eyes. She was still a mysterious person, and I couldn’t even imagine how many secrets were hidden behind those blocked ears. While I was thinking that, Iriya delivered one final sentence.
“By the way, Yuna wasn’t in the classroom. She seemed to have gone outside.”
“Oh… Okay. Thanks, Iriya.”
Finally, I managed to smile, feeling a sense of relief. But suddenly, another question came to mind, so I looked at Iriya again and asked.
“Um, Iriya. Can I ask you something?”
“…?”
“Why did it have to be me and Yuna? There must have been other men and women worth observing in this academy.”
“…”
In response, Iriya smiled mischievously. Then, she squinted one eye and replied.
“I don’t really know what love is.”
“Okay.”
“But still, the two of you. I hoped you would be together.”
“Why?”
“That’s a secret.”
With a twinkle in her eye, Iriya chuckled and disappeared with light footsteps. I watched her fading figure and let out a hollow laugh. I wondered if there would ever be a day when I could truly understand her thoughts.
“Sigh…”
I exhaled the breath I had been holding and turned my gaze towards the outside. The once silent trees were now bursting with flower buds, and the academy was filled with the vitality of young students.
It used to feel so boring not too long ago. It was so dull and monotonous that I couldn’t help but yawn whenever I saw the sunlight. But lately, things were a little different. Strangely, whenever I saw the sunlight, my whole body tingled and a warm sensation flowed into my chest, making it pound unexpectedly.
Maybe I’ve changed as much as Yuna has.
As if someone else had entered my body.
…Thump.
The moment that thought crossed my mind, I started walking. At the same time, the bell rang, signaling the start of class. But I didn’t look back and headed towards the exit of the classroom building.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Soon, my footsteps quickened, and the ground seemed to fly beneath me with the wind. I found myself running towards her without even knowing who I was running towards. The villainess who had dominated the academy. The beautiful eldest daughter of the noble Richmond family. No, perhaps…
Towards that nameless girl trapped inside that villainess.
2 possessors