82 – Because you are somewhere in this world (1)
July 19th.
The anniversary of my death.
Thinking about that fact, I returned the way I came. In one hand, I was holding a bottle of water that the man had given me. The first proof of kindness I tasted after returning to the original world was exactly 1,000 won.
1000 Won. When she first met Yoona, that was the amount of support she received.
Thanks to that small act of kindness, that day and today too. I was able to open the door to the narrow room with a slightly more relaxed mind.
When I returned home, the stove was no longer turned on. When I slowly opened the lid, I saw carbonized gray briquettes looking up at me intently.
It was you. It killed me in my last life. After hitting the crumbs for no reason, I sat down in the middle of the room.
“Whoa…”
Looking back, it was a very simple room. A simple semi-basement room with no furniture except for scattered trash and a stove. Earlier, I masturbated and said that it was nice because it was bigger than the dormitory, but there wasn’t even a bed here. There were only two thin blankets lying on the floor, and it was hard to tell which was which.
Now I have to find Yoona in this condition.
…
The office is too simple to be a detective.
I tried to voice my minor complaints, but for now, I had no choice but to do what I had. I threw myself into the trash heap just in case. Still, I was wondering if there was anything that would be helpful.
“…Cough.”
As a result of inhaling dust and searching, I came across several items. I placed the items on the floor, patting the back of my hand, which was black as if I had just swept a chimney.
These are the business cards I received when I was smuggled here.
A few bank accounts whose balances are infinitely close to zero.
A 50,000 won sheet that is almost torn in half.
And, one machine with the screen turned off.
The first and second were obviously useless, but the third was quite encouraging. And as for the last item, after looking at it for a while, the word “Smartphone” Came into my memory. It took me quite a while to realize what that meant.
Only after a long time had passed did I realize the identity of this object. It was definitely a phone. There were some guys who exploded bombs with this when operating overseas. From then on, my brother started urging me to learn how to use it.
And when he realized how to use it first, he probably used it to steal all the money in the bank account.
In the end, this thing didn’t hold such good memories either. But of all the things I had right now, this was the only thing I could use. I hope you have some battery left. I said a small prayer and pressed the power button.
“…!”
Soon, the pitch-black screen began to blink and emit a hazy light. I smiled at my little luck and pressed my face close to the screen.
Unfortunately or fortunately, my cell phone was not the latest model, so only basic functions were installed. Thanks to that, it didn’t take much time to think of how to use it.
The first thing I realized was that there was only 20 percent of the battery left. Not only was there no way to charge it, but there was nothing nearby that looked like a charger, so I had to act quickly.
Where can we find traces of Yoona?
As I was thinking about it, I finally remembered the title of the novel written in Yoona’s diary. For Elise. In fact, it seemed like I had heard it from her mouth a few times, and above all, it was a very familiar name. It’s definitely worth looking into.
After barely trying to recall how to use it, I went into the search bar. I thought about searching for her name, Kim Yuna, but it seemed like a useless search. That’s why I searched for the novel’s title using slow typing.
Of course, as always, my work was not solved all at once.
At first, information about a composer’s songs was listed in a row. After realizing my mistake, I added the word novel, but there were more novels with the title For Elise than I expected. Meanwhile, the battery was gradually decreasing.
“…”
I continued my search in nervousness. But it seemed like if I continued like this, the bright red battery would run out first. At that time, a sentence suddenly popped into my head.
This is the exact sentence that came to mind the day I first held Yoona’s hand.
Driven by a strange intuition and a glimmer of confidence, I searched for that sentence.
Then I discovered a novel full of familiar names.
“…!”
I took a nervous breath alone. The fingers of the chest trembled slightly. I couldn’t find out the details, but the names of Elise, Claes, and Yuna were clearly written in the introduction to the work.
I clicked on the first episode and was instantly distracted by the flood of letters. It’s hard to believe, but what was written there was definitely about me. No, the speaker itself was me in the first place. Although it felt a little embarrassing and even unfamiliar, it was clearly talking about things I had experienced in that world.
Has Yoona also read this novel? While I was going through the list to find traces of her, a mark on the last episode suddenly caught my eye. There was an icon similar to a cell phone text message and the number 1 on it.
It didn’t take a very high level of intelligence to interpret what that meant. It must mean that someone left a message here. When I got to the end of episode 1, a separate window appeared where I could leave a comment. When I reached that moment, I couldn’t contain my excitement and swallowed hard.
Found it.
It’s definitely Yoona.
There must be something Yoona left there. That might be a clue. No, if I leave a comment there in the first place, I might be able to have a conversation with her. I clicked on the last episode in the hope that it would grow quickly.
But the next moment, what came to mind was a gray screen as pale as the concrete walls of the building.
[Payment required.]
“Ah…”
A moan escaped my lips without me even realizing it. Next to him, a worn-out 50,000 won bill was shaking helplessly.
Of course, the price of a novel shouldn’t be more expensive than that. However, from what I remember, all payments made with a cell phone required identification. Not only did I not have a card or a bank account with money left in it, I couldn’t even remember whose name this cell phone was in. Moreover, this 50,000 won was all the money I had left.
And in fact, I didn’t even have experience making payments, so I didn’t know how to do it properly.
I ended up leaving a message on the first episode I was able to watch instead of the last episode. Because I wrote it poorly, there were typos, but if Yoona saw it, she would know it was me.
That is probably true.
“Ugh…”
As my high hopes faded away, I lost strength without realizing it. I lay down on the floor and scratched my head. Before I knew it, the battery was approaching 15 percent.
I expected it, but it wasn’t easy. Even in that world, we faced this level of hardship many times, but we got through it without any worries. I began to feel resentful of this body that had once again become tattered.
But strictly speaking, it was possible because there were helpers at the time. Yuna. Guero. And here it is. I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without their help. Maybe I needed someone to help me right now.
Someone who will help you…
I lifted my phone once again. There was no way anyone could help this foreigner whose identity was unclear. But nothing can happen if you don’t try anything.
So, I pressed down on the phone book.
As expected, the number of saved numbers was so small that you could count them on one hand. No, to be honest, there was only one number whose name I knew. Even though the number was only two letters long, I repeated the saved name.
“Brother.”
…
I felt like my lips were drying up without me even realizing it. I pressed the number and looked at my recent text history. No messages have been exchanged for the past three months.
I was lost in thought. No, I thought I was lost in thought. I tried to think about the fact that I had his number, but my hand was already texting him.
[Brother.]
…
I tried to cancel it late, but it had already been sent. I quickly erased the screen like a person who had done something wrong. While I didn’t see it, the number 15 written on the battery had been reduced to 14. After thinking about it for a while, I turned it off and lay down with my arms on the floor.
“Haaa…”
Nothing happens the way I want to.
Of course, if you look at it, it was only the first day. It had been less than two hours since I arrived in this world, and all I had done was rummaged through my house and cell phone.
But I was already starting to feel anxious. I’m afraid that the things I did today will become routine.
The first button that was not inserted properly disrupted not only the clothes but also the entire mind. Actually, if I think about it, what I did in these two hours was all I could do in the future. I have no identity. I have no money. I wondered how many means I could mobilize as a person who didn’t even have any acquaintances. I was in such a state that I couldn’t even do manual labor.
When I thought about it that way, my immediate life was also a problem. The money in hand is 50,000 won. I had a house, but even this was a place where I didn’t know how long I would stay there. Moreover, no matter how hard I searched this house, I couldn’t find anything to drink, let alone something to eat.
When I think about it, there are more than just one or two problems.
“Whoa…”
I sighed lightly. The problems I was facing made my head pound. If I stayed like this, I felt like I would be crushed and fall into sleep.
“…Eight.”
I immediately stood up, waving my arms. My battered body creaked uncontrollably.
But I couldn’t just stay still. If I stayed at home like this, I would continue to be weighed down by the problems that would come. I ended up putting on a rag I had found among the trash and walked towards the door. Even if there was nothing to do, I had to go out and do something.
And anyway, it was my organs that I hit with my bare body.
Dawn was already breaking through the pushed open door. While wondering where to go, I walked toward the center of the city. Before I had even taken a few steps, the bare face of this world hidden in the darkness poked its head towards me.
Morning has come to a world where the stars do not rise. The sun’s rays suddenly shined, coloring the sky a deep blue color and extending endlessly beyond the horizon.
As the darkness crumbled under the rising sun, the sky over this land quickly filled with a lot of smoke.
The gray smoke emitted by cars. Hazy steam rising from the building. And the numerous breaths released by the awakened people. I woke up early in the morning, and the traces of my unfinished dream were faintly scattered across the sky.
The crushed people of the city let go of their dreams into the sky and dragged their empty bodies down to the basement. Some might say it was a heartless sight, but there was a clear sense of vitality among the crowd. Each person’s purpose. They walked briskly, embracing their own motivations, and had the aesthetics of modern people.
The strangers of this world who could not blend in with the crowd saw their shadows from a distance.
The images of countless people were captured in the endless gaze. People with different appearances and even skin colors. I raised my tiptoes to look at their faces one by one.
Perhaps there is Yoona among them? Or is there anyone who knows Yoona?
The waves of human life, as vast as the vast ocean, crashed before my eyes. I waited for them to be swept into the subway and then tiptoed again. There was no use in doing this here. No matter how much I dug through the grains of sand, there was no way the clams hidden inside would come out easily.
I had to think. The thought of finding her among all these people.
I don’t even know your face. I don’t even know where I live. All she knows is her name and personality.
…
When I looked into it in detail, it started to feel endless and confusing.
“Ugh…”
I sighed in silence. The pure white breath soared above the buildings with no end in sight, but soon dispersed before reaching even half of the sky. Does this at least represent my helpless feelings? I felt like I was trapped in a forest with no exit in sight.
Meanwhile, there was no hesitation in the movements of the people passing by. The feeling that I was an outsider seemed to deepen even more. I looked at them, conscious of my own breathing.
Then, little by little, their defenseless pockets began to come into view.
Still, a homecoming is a homecoming. When I returned to my original world, my habits from there returned. It felt like if I just reached into my pocket like this, I could steal everything in it. Something to eat or something. Money or something. Or, a cell phone with a fully charged battery.
I really felt like I just had to stretch out my hand.
“…Ahhhhh…!”
But I tried hard to shake my head. If I did something like that and got taken to the police, it would all be over. Moreover, I had no conscience whatsoever to allow it.
So, I put my writhing hands in my pockets and raised my head.
Think carefully, you idiot. My mother will be watching. I think both my dead and non-dead mother are looking at me.
If you are really watching, I would like you to help me with what has already happened.
I pressed my lips together and moved forward. I felt like I had to do something to be able to tolerate this kleptomania. So I entered the subway with other people.
The scenery inside was not much different from the outside. Lots of people. A gray wall tightly surrounds the area. As I was looking around, a strangely shaped structure suddenly caught my eye. As I approached, as if possessed, as if I had received a revelation, several letters written in large letters caught my eye.
[Free smartphone charging station]
There was no reason to hesitate, so I immediately took out my cell phone. Seeing the battery charging steadily, albeit slowly, calmed my heart a little. I felt a little relieved that at least one of the accumulated problems had been resolved.
I was bored waiting blankly, so I entered the search bar for no reason. Not knowing what to look for, I just stared blankly at the pure white window. Then, at home, I slowly tapped into the word that I had not intentionally searched for.
Yuna Kim.
I wasn’t expecting any particularly great results. Because there must be a lot of Kim Yuna living in the world. I just wanted to get a feel for how many names there were.
As expected, as soon as I searched for the name, numerous Kim Yun-ahs came pouring out. From a really young child to a grandmother who passed away yesterday. Numerous Kim Yuna were running wild inside the small window. I knew it, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t disappointed.
There were even a lot of news articles about Kim Yun-ah. A story about 32-year-old singer Kim Yuna, who is married. A story about Kim Yoon-ah, a 51-year-old member of the National Assembly who caused a great stir with her private life. Even the famous Kim Yuna was not one or two.
“…”
Then, suddenly, an article title at the bottom caught my eye. At first, I just tried to pass it by, but one word in it particularly bothered me.
And that annoyance soon spread into even more emotions.
I looked at the title of the article again. The letters, which were only one sentence, really pierced my heart. I frowned slightly and clicked on the title of the article.
The article covered the current status of forgotten child actress Kim Yoon-ah. Her activities were halted due to her low popularity, and she was recently found attempting suicide at her home. It was written like that.
And below, a photo was attached to help understand the incident.
Several thin lines are drawn. A picture of someone’s wrist.