102 – Devastation
From noble mtl dot com
-Baslak… Bassak…
– Blink.
I naturally looked at the surroundings, and it was a familiar sight.
There should be Yoo Seon next to the bed I was lying on… Even when I stretch out my hand, all I can feel is an empty bed.
Nothing touched my fingers.
“…”
It must have been a dream.
It took me a lot of time to accept that everything I felt was not real.
Because the dream seemed so real.
I really liked Yoo Seon-i’s soft voice while looking at me, the warm arms I felt when we lay together, and the tight muscles in my arms and legs.
That behavior and tone of voice that takes care of me first whenever something happens. All of it… It all seemed so real.
I closed my eyes.
Wake reality is like a terrible nightmare to me.
I’d rather… If I go back to sleep like this, wouldn’t I be able to see Yoo Seon-i again?
She tried to sleep, tossing and turning her body at the thought. She couldn’t fall asleep at all.
I sat halfway up in bed and looked at the bottle of medicine on the small table.
I haven’t eaten lately- I think I should eat today.
I opened the lid of the medicine cabinet and scooped out the contents, but there was nothing inside.
He had a lot of accidents with medicines, and the doctor had all the medicines except for the one-time intake. I can’t take many pills at once like I used to.
…Alcohol
This time I opened the refrigerator door to see if there was alcohol in it.
I didn’t even drink.
Because if I drink at night, I can’t go to work the next day.
If I can’t go to work, I can’t see Yoo Seon. So I drank less, less… I haven’t had alcohol in my mouth lately, and I never imagined that it would hold me back like this.
I went back to bed and lay down.
In this room full of darkness… The only thing that was shining was my cell phone. Pick up your phone and check the time.
3 O’clock in the morning.
…What is Yoo Seon doing right now..? …I’m not stupid. I’m not an idiot, so she knows what a man and a woman do when they enter a motel…
When Yoo Seon-i and her child enter the motel, shall we follow them..? Should I or not? I kept thinking about it.
Walking around the entrance, I just circle around the motel.
In the end, I came home without power again.
Because… I don’t want to make Yoo Seon-ie scared… Go round and round, what will Yoo Seon-ie think when she sees me walking around the motel…
I’m just looking at Yoo Seon from a distance like now- that alone is enough… I’m fine. I’m fine… Don’t go in there. …Shouldn’t I still dry it..?
No… Yoo Seon-i chose it himself…
I repeated it in my mind to myself dozens, hundreds, thousands of times.
She is the girl who entered the motel with Yoo Seon.
She is definitely the girl she met during my mother’s trial.
At that time, the child lost everything and was crying helplessly. I looked down at him and felt sorry for him… Now, I don’t know who felt sorry for anyone.
I had a dream.
In my dream, I lived with Yoo Seon.
I have nothing to do with Mirae Group or anything like that, and I’ll always swear.
A girl who needs Yoo Seon’s help.
She can’t study, has no money, and doesn’t know how to exercise… She was such an incompetent girl that she couldn’t do anything without Yoo Seon-yi’s help.
I was happy.
What if I can’t study..?
Yoo Seon teaches everything by her side. Even if she can’t make money, she can save money by working part-time with Yoo Seon, and since she can’t exercise – won’t bad kids bully her?
You don’t have to worry. Because I had a wire.
….. In her dreams, I was protected by Yoo Seon-yi and received a lot of love from her.
Maybe… If it hadn’t happened to my mother. If nothing had happened in middle school and had kept growing up as a snarky Jin-ah…
Surely, like in my dreams, I live with Yoo Seon, quarrel over trivial things and reconcile again, eat delicious food together, and visit interesting places.
On such a cold day, there must have been a time when we went into the futon together and warmed each other’s frozen bodies.
…I want to turn back time.
I shouldn’t have been fussing over Yu Seon.
She shouldn’t have provoked Yoo Seon-yi’s inferiority complex, and she shouldn’t have acted to distort the future she decided for herself.
Also – I shouldn’t have bothered her for not paying attention. She shouldn’t have been greedy.
…If I had acted like that, the woman next to Yoo Seon-i would not have been him, but me.
I… I… I liked you first.
I’ve always liked her since elementary school until now, but I first knew about Yoo Seon…
Today, I could have been the one who held Yoo Seon-i’s hand tightly at the lake park, and I could have been the one who ate the delicious pasta she fed me, and- I could have dressed Yoo Seon-i in the clothes I wanted.
The fact that I could have been the person who went into the motel together keeps giving me a hard time.
A dream I had earlier.
It showed me another possibility that I hadn’t been to.
A future that did not cause any damage to Yoo Seon, and is always loved by Yoo Seon. It may be a normal daily life for him, but for me, things that only come true in my dreams.
…I recalled the contents of the dream I had just had in my head.
Yeon Seon and I went into a motel.
Yoo Seon slowly took off the clothes I was wearing.
Because Seon Yoo has a kind side-because he is kind. Take care so that I don’t get hurt. I peeled it off carefully. So, in front of Yoo Seon, I was wearing only my underwear.
I’m not as fit as that kid, so I covered my butt and chest with his hand out of embarrassment, but Yoo Seon is fine. Pretty- he said and he stroked me.
Just touching it makes me feel so good…
…So… What was the situation… Roughly like this…
He moved his hand and touched my face and chest. The touch I feel at the tip of my finger is only mine. My fingers, my skin – mine, but…
I pictured Yu Seon in my head. It is the wire that touches my face and chest right now. It is wired
– Took.
I felt cool when I undid the bra I was wearing. In the dream, I was wearing a knit, and now I was wearing only a light shirt with the buttons undone.
I took off my shirt and bra and threw them out of bed, then lay down on the bed with only a thin pair of underwear on.
…Actually, after that, I didn’t remember anything since I woke up from a dream.
In my head, Yoo Seon is still touching my body- I am in a motel right now. Thinking in my head, what would happen if I was with Yoo Seon slowly..?
I kept drawing that imagination in my head.
Yoo Seon unbuttoned her underwear and started touching my breasts.
Jujujumul- It was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, but Yoo Seon won’t mind that…!
Instead, I think Yoo Seon-i will suck my breasts like a baby with her mouth… Or touch my breasts like a baby.
Yoo Seon is small.
“…Yeah…”
Like this, I used my fingers to pull on my pink top, and then… I played around with my fingers.
I just get caught in Yoo Seon-i’s strong arms and I can’t do this or that, I just get beaten up.
… The other day, during a safety audit, I saw Yu Seon-i, and I saw Yu Seon-i’s body, taking off his coat, as if he was resting after work.
His arms are strong, and… His body lines are thicker than before… I felt like I couldn’t beat Yoo Seon with all my strength.
So- I can’t do anything when Yu-sun wraps his arm around his waist- I just struggle… Yoo-sun bites my chest with his teeth and plays with me, but I can’t do anything and just suffer.
Slowly, Yoo Seon-i’s hand goes down and starts pulling the underwear I’m wearing down.
I haven’t finished preparing my heart yet.
It was itchy to touch it with my teeth like this, and I felt like my heart was about to explode.
I didn’t have the courage to take another step here, but Yoo Seon-i unilaterally started pulling my underwear down as if it would tear it apart.
“…Ah…”
Without a moment to panic at the fast-paced pace, I start groping with my fingers to find the location of the hole in my body.
I don’t have much body hair, and my skin is fair, so the wire can easily find my hole…?
I lightly touched the opening of the hole with my thin finger.
Sticky- I didn’t do anything. There was already a lot of sticky and slippery juice leaking out from under me, so I was ready to accept Yoo Seon-i at any time.
Stuttering – Like a blind man searching for a stone bridge with a cane, his slender fingers slowly begin to slide into my cracks.
“..Yoo…Yoo Seon-ah…♡”
Yeon Seon’s stuff should be thicker than this one- Make a loop with your fingers to tickle the inner flesh, and touch the beans on top of the hole with the other hand.
This time, even if you just touch it with your fingers as if you were joking – I flinched as if I was electrocuted – and then on the days when I squeezed the beans and got caught…
“…Ha..Ah..♡”
I hear air escaping from my mouth.
Gagging – I don’t want to see you break like this with just one finger.
I don’t want to be stigmatized as an easy woman by Seon Yoo, but I’m so sloppy.
It’s so nice to start scratching my insides as if studying my body, while stimulating the bean with the other hand…♡
I can’t do anything… I can’t do anything except lie in bed and breathe excitedly.
I feel good. I feel good– It feels so good to see Yoo Sun do this.
“…That…There’s an eyepatch…♡”
I felt something catch on the tips of my fingers that were windingly digging into my body.
This can’t be done… This is… Really- I have to give it to Yoo Seon…♡
The fingers that have been swallowed up all the nodes are starting to come out again. A sieve soaked in sticky liquid.
“…Me too..I want to get f*cked too…♡”
I want to be loved. I want to be protected. I also want to get a lot of pleasant feelings from being buried under Yoo Seon-i’s body…
From noble mtl dot com
I… I…
-Sniff…
My body, which had been hot as if I had been in a hot bath, suddenly started to cool down as if I had turned on the air conditioner.
I… I don’t want to be satisfied with just my fingers like this. Because it’s good even just once – I want Yoo Seon to hug me like that child…